Prophetic Vision

"Where there is no revelation [prophetic vision], the people cast off restraint; But happy is he who keeps the law [of God]."¹

Some 350 or more years ago a shipload of travelers landed on a distant land. The first year they established a town site. The next year they elected a town government. The third year the town government planned to build a road five miles westward into the wilderness.

In the fourth year the people tried to impeach their town government because they thought it was a waste of public funds to build a road five miles westward into a wilderness. Who needed to go there anyway?

Here were people who had the vision to see three thousand miles across an ocean and overcome great hardships to get there. But in just a few years they were not able to see even five miles out of town. They had lost their pioneering vision and certainly had no prophetic vision of what God's plan was for this nation yet to be.

With a clear vision of what we can become and achieve in Christ, no ocean of difficulty is too great. As individuals, organizations, churches, and a nation without a vision of what God wants us to be and do we will eventually demise, "for without a vision the people perish."

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please open the eyes of my understanding and give me a vision of what you are doing in the world in which I live and see clearly how I can be a part of your plans. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 29:18 (NKJV).

<:))))><
By Dick Innes

End of the Mayan Calendar - 2012

Several thousand years ago...

Mayan Scribe: "Okay guys I've finished the calender!"

Mayan Priest: "But it only goes up to 21.12.2012"

Mayan Scribe: "Ah don't worry about it we'll make a new one before then.  I would have carried on on this stone but I ran out of room."

Mayan Priest: "Fair enough. Hey, imagine if people thought that the world was gonna end because you couldn't find a bigger stone."

Mayan Scribe: "Yeah, but you'd have to be pretty stupid to think that wouldn't you?"

Would God Send A Water Bottle and A Doll?

Helen Roseveare with an African orphan

Dr. Helen Roseveare, a missionary to Africa, told about a mother who died at the mission station after giving birth to a premature baby. An incubator was set up to keep the infant alive, but the only available hot water bottle was beyond repair. 

During devotions that morning the children were asked to pray for the baby and for her young sister, who were now orphans. One of the girls responded, "Dear God, please send a hot water bottle today. Tomorrow will be too late because by then the baby will be dead. And dear Lord, send a doll for the sister so she won't feel so lonely." 

That afternoon a large parcel arrived from England. Eagerly the children watched as it was opened. Much to their delight, under some clothing was a hot water bottle! Immediately the girl who had prayed so earnestly started to delve deeper, exclaiming, "If God sent that, I'm sure He also sent a doll." And she was right! Five months earlier, God had led a group of women in England to include both of those items in response to a prayer that had not yet been uttered.

That's the promise God gives us through Isaiah. As the One who knows what lies ahead, the Lord works even in the past to bring about blessings for His children's future. 

As you consider your situation today, it may seem that the Lord is asking you to do the illogical. You may think, Why should God prompt me to do this? I see no need. But remember, what you do today could be the answer to someone's prayers tomorrow. 

Trust God, and let the One who holds past, present and future be your Guide for the present. With God, the past and future are simply part of the eternal present. Isaiah 65:24: It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear.

Your Driving Skills

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.  On your left hand side there is a valley and on your right hand side there is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you there is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you there is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get off the merry-go-round - you're drunk!

The Most Important Question

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz.

I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank..

Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

“Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. 

They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘hello’.”

I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Three-Kick Rule

A big city Alberta lawyer went duck hunting in rural Saskatchewan.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.  The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Saskatchewan.  We settle small disagreements like this with the "Saskatchewan Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Saskatchewan Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.  He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.  His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.  His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face.  The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot!  Now, it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck!"

Prairie Fire

Some people try to punish themselves for their sins. They do not stand on the promises of forgiveness and Christ's propitiation.

"Many years ago, a father and his daughter were walking through the grass on the Canadian prairie. In the distance, they saw a prairie fire, and they realized that it would soon engulf them.

The father knew there was only one way of escape: They would quickly begin a fire right where they were and burn a large patch of grass. When the huge fire drew near, they then would stand on the section that had already burned.

When the flames did approach them, the girl was terrified but her father assured her, 'The flames can't get to us. We are standing where the fire has already been.'"

- Erwin Lutzer, Failure, The Back Door to Success.

The Bubbles Are Always Right

I learned that when a diver was deep under water, he could lose all sense of direction. He becomes weightless-no sense of gravity-and swimming without a natural source of light causes him to become disoriented and swim sideways, thinking that he is rising to the top. 

In fact, a diver can become so convinced that his perception is correct that he continues to swim in the wrong direction until he eventually runs out of air and drowns. My friend then said that the only way to keep this from happening is to follow the direction of your air bubbles. "No matter how you feel, or what your brain may tell you," he said, "the bubbles are always right." 

The world today is like a group of scuba divers: disoriented and void of direction. Absolutely convinced that their perception of right and wrong is correct, they ignore the warnings, while the bubbles of truth tell them otherwise. Instead, they willfully folloew the directions of other disoriented expert divers who say, "Live like this . . . believe like this . . . think this way . . . go that way"-and all the while their tanks are running out of oxygen.

The Word of God has been given to us that we may have direction for living. As Christians, we have no excuse for moving through life disoriented; the verses in Scripture are like the air bubbles from a diver—they show the way up.

Make sure you’re swimming in the right direction . . . just follow the “bubbles”! 

 

Stephen Davey

She Does Not Know Me

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him. "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

I'm Fine!

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ’I’m fine’?," questioned the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn’t ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ’I’m fine’!"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and said to the lawyer, "I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. 

I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

It was then that I said, "I’m fine."

Fixing Bicycles

I love stories. One of my favorites is about a little girl who was late coming home for supper. Her mother made the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had been.

The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie, whose bicycle was broken in a fall.

"But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles," her mother responded.

"I know that," the girl said. "I just stopped to help her cry."

Not many of us know anything about fixing bicycles, either. And when our friends have fallen and broken, not their bicycles but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. We simply cannot "fix" someone else's life, even though that's what we would like most to do.

But like the little girl, we can stop to help them cry. That is the best we can do. And that is a lot!
- Murray Lancaster

Would You Remarry?

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"...

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."

Keeper of the Spring

The late Peter Marshall was an eloquent speaker and for several years served as the chaplain of the US Senate. He used to love to tell the story of the "Keeper of the Spring," a quiet forest dweller who lived high above an Austrian village along the eastern slope of the Alps.

The old gentleman had been hired many years earlier by a young town councilman to clear away the debris from the pools of water up in the mountain crevices that fed the lovely spring flowing through their town. With faithful, silent regularity, he patrolled the hills, removed the leaves and branches, and wiped away the silt that would otherwise have choked and contaminated the fresh flow of water. The village soon became a popular attraction for vacationers. Graceful swans floated along the crystal clear spring, the mill wheels of various businesses located near the water turned day and night, farmlands were naturally irrigated, and the view from restaurants was picturesque beyond description.

Years passed. One evening the town council met for its semiannual meeting. As they reviewed the budget, one man's eye caught the salary figure being paid the obscure keeper of the spring. Said the keeper of the purse, "Who is the old man? Why do we keep him on year after year? No one ever sees him. For all we know, the strange ranger of the hills is doing us no good. He isn't necessary any longer." By a unanimous vote, they dispensed with the old man's services.

For several weeks, nothing changed.

By early autumn, the trees began to shed their leaves. Small branches snapped off and fell into the pools, hindering the rushing flow of sparkling water. One afternoon someone noticed a slight yellowish-brown tint in the spring. A few days later, the water was much darker. Within another week, a slimy film covered sections of the water along the banks, and a foul odor was soon detected. The mill wheels moved more slowly, some finally ground to a halt. Swans left, as did the tourists. Clammy fingers of disease and sickness reached deeply into the village.

Quickly, the embarrassed council called a special meeting. Realizing their gross error in judgment, they rehired the old keeper of the spring, and within a few weeks, the veritable river of life began to clear up. The wheels started to turn, and new life returned to the hamlet in the Alps.

Charles R. Swindoll

Are there leaves of anger, twigs of resentment, or silt of unforgiveness clogging your spring of living water? Just as little by little the stream became clogged and contaminated by debris, so our spirits can become obstructed by the *small sins* of day-to-day living. Let's keep the water clean and flowing.

Cannibal Canoe

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by cannibals.


The chief cannibal comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, put you in a pot, cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."


The Frenchman says, "I take zee sword."


The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.


The Englishman says, "Right--a pistol for me, please."


The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at himself, says, "God save the queen!" and shoots.


The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork."


The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over; it's horrible!


The chief is appalled, and asks, "What in the world are you doing?"


The New Yorker says, "So much for your stupid canoe!"

Four Words

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said "I Love You, Darling!"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a 'life-giving'  behavior. The child is dead. Blaming his wife will not bring the child back to life. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would never have happened. No point in attaching blame. She has also lost her only child. What she needs at that moment is consolation and sympathy from her husband. That is what he gives her.

Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who is to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Do not multiply pain, anguish and suffering by refusing to forgive.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be more joy and fewer problems in the family, society and world.

Take off all your anger, envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears and you will find that living with others is actually not as difficult as you think...！

Different Rewards In Eternity

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Presbyterian all die and go to heaven. Saint Peter comes around to the Pearly Gates and leads them through to a hallway lined with doors. These, he explains, lead to the place you'll spend eternity in.


He asks the Catholic, "What denomination were you?"


"Roman Catholic."


Peter points to a heavily carved dark wooden door and says, "Step in there." The Catholic opens it up to find a chapel lined with stained-glass windows and candles. He gasps with delight, "A church!" and runs inside, kneels and starts counting his rosary.


Peter turns to the Baptist and gets his denomination, then points to another door. The Baptist opens it to find a canvas tent filled with people singing and waving their arms to a swaying choir and a shouting pastor. "A revival meeting!" He runs and joins the crowd.


Finally Peter asks the Presbyterian, "And what were you?"


"Presbyterian."


Peter leads him to another door and pulls it open. Inside is a big, round table with people seated around shuffling papers and arguing. The Presbyterian claps his hands to his face in happiness.


"A committee!"

How Many People It Took To Make You!

How Many People It Took To Make You!

1)............1 YOU
2)............2 parents
3)............4 grandparents
4)............8 great grandparents
5)...........16 gg grandparents
6)...........32 ggg grandparents
7)...........64 gggg grandparents
8)..........128 ggggg grandparents
9)..........256 gggggg grandparents
10..........512 ggggggg grandparents
11).......1,024 gggggggg grandparents
12).......2,048 ggggggggg grandparents
13).......4,096 gggggggggg grandparents
14).......8,192 ggggggggggg grandparents
15)......16,184 gggggggggggg grandparents
16)......32,768 ggggggggggggg grandparents
17)......65,536 gggggggggggggg grandparents
18).....131,072 ggggggggggggggg grandparents
19).....262,144 gggggggggggggggg grandparents
20).....524,288 ggggggggggggggggg grandparents
21)...1,048,576 gggggggggggggggggg grandparents
22)...2,097,152 ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents

Faithful Church Attenders

A study once disclosed that:


If both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72% of their children remain faithful.
If only Dad, 55% remain faithful.
If only Mom, 15%.
If neither attended regularly, only 6% remain faithful.
The statistics speak for themselves—the example of parents and adults is more important than all the efforts of the church and Sunday School.

Warren Mueller in Homemade, May, 1990

Translator William Tyndale Strangled and Burned

How many Bibles do you have in your house? For most of us, Bibles are easily accessible, and many of us have several. That we have the Bible in English owes much to William Tyndale, sometimes called the Father of the English Bible. 90% of the King James Version of the Bible and 75% of the Revised Standard Version are from the translation of the Bible into English made by William Tyndale, yet Tyndale himself was burned at the stake for his work on this day, October 6, 1536.


Back in the fourteenth century, John Wycliffe was the first to make (or at least oversee) an English translation of the Bible, but that was before the invention of the printing press and all copies had to be hand written. Besides, the church had banned the unauthorized translation of the Bible into English in 1408.


Over one hundred years later, however, William Tyndale had a burning desire to make the Bible available to even the common people in England. After studying at Oxford and Cambridge, he joined the household of Sir John Walsh at little Sudbury Manor as tutor to the Walsh children. Walsh was a generous lord of the manor and often entertained the local clergy at his table. Tyndale often added spice to the table conversation as he was confronted with the Biblical ignorance of the priests. At one point Tyndale told a priest, "If God spare my life, ere many years pass, I will cause a boy that driveth the plough shall know more of the Scriptures than thou dost."


It was a nice dream, but how was Tyndale to accomplish this when translating the Bible into English was illegal? He went to London to ask Bishop Tunstall if he could be authorized to make an English translation of the Bible, but the bishop would not grant his approval. However, Tyndale would not let the disapproval of men stop him from carrying out what seemed so obviously God's will. With encouragement and support of some British merchants, he decided to go to Europe to complete his translation, then have it printed and smuggled back into England.


In 1524 Tyndale sailed for Germany. In Hamburg he worked on the New Testament, and in Cologne he found a printer who would print the work. However, news of Tyndale's activity came to an opponent of the Reformation who had the press raided. Tyndale himself managed to escape with the pages already printed and made his way to the German city Worms where the New Testament was soon published. Six thousand copies were printed and smuggled into England. The bishops did everything they could to eradicate the Bibles -- Bishop Tunstall had copies ceremoniously burned at St. Paul's; the archbishop of Canterbury bought up copies to destroy them. Tyndale used the money to print improved editions!


King Henry VIII, then in the throes of his divorce with Queen Katherine, offered Tyndale a safe passage to England to serve as his writer and scholar. Tyndale refused, saying he would not return until the Bible could be legally translated into English. Tyndale continued hiding among the merchants in Antwerp and began translating the Old Testament while the King's agents searched all over England and Europe for him.


Tyndale was finally found by an Englishman who pretended to be his friend but then turned him over to the authorities. After a year and a half in prison, he was brought to trial for heresy -- for believing, among other things, in the forgiveness of sins and that the mercy offered in the gospel was enough for salvation. In August 1536, he was condemned; on this day October 6, 1536 he was strangled and his body burned at the stake. His last prayer was "Lord, open the King of England's eyes." The prayer was answered in part when three years later, in 1539, Henry VIII required every parish church in England to make a copy of the English Bible available to its parishioners.


Bibliography:
Adapted from an earlier Christian History Institute story.
Bowie, Walter Russell. Men of Fire. New York: Harper and Brothers, 1961.
Daniell, David. William Tyndale, a biography. New Haven: Yale University Press, 1994.
Dictionary of National Biography. Edited by Leslie Stephen and Sidney Lee. London: Oxford University Press, 1921 - 1996.
Kunitz, Stanley L. British Authors Before 1800; a biographical dictionary. New York: H. W. Wilson, 1952.
Mozley, J. F. William Tyndale. London: Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge; New York: The Macmillan company, 1937.
Sampson, George. Concise Cambridge History of English Literature. Cambridge, 1961.
"Tyndale or Tindale, William." The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church. Edited by F. L. Cross and E. A. Livingstone. Oxford, 1997.
Wild, Laura Huld. The Romance of the English Bible; a history of the translation of the Bible into English from Wyclif to the present day. Garden City, New York: Doubleday, Doran, 1929.
Various encyclopedia articles.
Last updated July, 2007


Find this article at: http://www.christianity.com/churchhistory

A Praying Truck Driver

Before Dawson Trotman became the founder of the Navigators he was a truck driver. During that time he and a friend prayed early in the morning over a map of the world for each nation prior to work. They did this for a several week period. Little did Dawson know that God would use his life to touch the lives of people in all the countries for which they were praying.

God says through the prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 33:3), “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.” What great and mighty things would God show you if you were to spend an extended time in prayer? What impact would it have upon your life? Upon the lives of countless others? It changed Dawson Trotman’s life forever.

Why not begin to call upon God today in a deeper way than you ever have before? Allow God to reveal to you great and mighty things that you do not know.

By Ed Wrather

Are You Telling God What To Do?

A Unique Way to Pray 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."1


Terry tells how she "was in the habit of praying very specifically for what she wanted. She told God in great detail about the kind of job, the kind of husband, the kind of life that she envisioned for herself. And Terry was frequently frustrated. But one day, Terry's friend suggested that she try a different tack. 'Give God a blank sheet of paper,' the friend suggested, 'and let God give you his list for your life.'


"Not long afterwards, Terry went back to school—something she hadn't anticipated doing. And she met a wonderful new man, whom she eventually married. He didn't fit the criteria of her earlier lists, but he was everything she wanted in a husband. When Terry turned her life over to God's will, God provided for her needs in ways she couldn't have imagined."2


Another excellent way to pray is, taking off on the famous quote by JFK: "Ask not what God can do for you but rather, what can you do for God—today?"


Suggested Prayer: "Dear God, in light of all that you have done for me, what can I do for you today? Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen." 


1. Philippians 4:6 (NKJV).
2. Terry Fitzgerald Sieck, found in Stories of God's Abundance for a More Joyful Life (Lancaster, PA: Starburst Publishers, 1999), pp. 196-198. 


<:))))><

Realistic Fishing Proverb

Give a man a fish and he will eat all day.


Teach a man to fish and he will go out and buy expensive fishing equipment, stupid-looking clothes, a sports utility vehicle, travel 1000 miles to the "hottest" fishing spot and stand waist-deep in cold water so he can try to outsmart a fish.


Average cost per fish: $395.68

Arrogant FBI Agent

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs."

The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."

The agent verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."  

Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge, the officer proudly displays it to the farmer. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the agent running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull.

With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the agent. The agent is clearly terrified.

The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge! Show him your badge!"

Lesson From A Sea of Milk

I recently heard a story from Stephen Glenn about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?


He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!


When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, “"Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?”"


Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "“You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?"” He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.


His mother then said, “"You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.”" The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!


This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn’t need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment “doesn’t work,” we usually learn something valuable from it.


Wouldn’t it be great if all parents would respond the way Robert’s mother responded to him?


—Jack Canfield

Pencil And Eraser

Pencil: I'm sorry 


Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.


Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time. 


Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

The Rope

I love this illustration on the nature of faith which originally appeared in the book Questions of Truth and was recently adapted in the PreachingToday newsletter:

"Philosopher Nicholas Beale and scientist John Polkinghorne use the following story to illustrate the nature of biblical faith:

"A philosopher, a scientist and a simple man—none of whom could swim—were trapped in a cove with sheer cliff faces. They split up, but the tide kept coming in. Rescuers lowered a rope with a safety harness. The philosopher said, 'Ah, this looks like a rope, but I might be mistaken—it could be wishful thinking or an illusion.' So he didn't attach himself, and he was drowned.

"The scientist said, 'Ah, this is an 11 mm polyester rope with a breaking strain of 2800 kg. It conforms to the MR 10-81 standard,' and then proceeded to give an exhaustive, and entirely correct, analysis of the rope's physical and chemical properties; but he didn't attach himself, and he was drowned.

"The simple man said, 'Ah, I'm not sure if it's a rope or a python tail, but it's my only chance, so I'm grabbing it and holding on with my whole life.' He was saved.

"Of course other things being equal, it is better to have an enlightened faith in God than an unenlightened faith, but mere intellectual understanding that does not lead to trust and action is not what God is after."

Michael Duduit

Reasonable Doubt

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.

"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused,retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."

BURNT BISCUITS

When I was a little child, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. 

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook.. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

So, please, pass a biscuit, and, yes, the burnt one will do just fine! Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and forgive those who don't. 

APPRECIATE THOSE LOVED ONES WHOM GOD GIVES YOU... THEY DO NOT LIVE FOREVER AND NEITHER DO YOU!

An Old Story From China - The Two Brothers

It was an old story from China. Two brothers worked together on the family farm.  One was married and had a large family.  The other was single.  At the day's end, the brothers shared everything equally, produce and profit.

Then one day the single brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share equally the produce and the profit.  I'm alone and my needs are simple." 

So each night he took a sack of grain from his barn and crept across the field between their houses, dumping it into his brother's barn.

Meanwhile, the married brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share the produce and the profit equally.  After all, I'm married and I have my wife and my children to look after me in years to come.  My brother has no one, and no one to take care of his future." 

So each night he took a sack of grain and dumped it into his single brother's barn.

Both men were puzzled for years because their supply of grain never dwindled.  Then one dark night the two brothers bumped into each other. Slowly it dawned on them what was happening.

They dropped their sacks and embraced one another.

A Can of Peach

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" she replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, "What is it?"

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

Good And Bad News When Train Broke Down

A large, two-engined train was making its way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down. 

"No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. 

Farther on down the line (if you didn't guess by now), the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.

The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn't take this trip in a plane!"