Clergy Arrested For Playing Poker

A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. One night, the sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.

After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest, "Were you gambling, Father?"

The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me," and then said aloud, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."

"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister.

The minister repeated the priest's actions and replied, "No, your honor, I was not gambling."

Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked, "Were you gambling, Rabbi?"

The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"

A Can of Peach

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" she replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, "What is it?"

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

Coaching the Young Witness

The defense lawyer questions the boy, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"

A boy who was a witness to a crime was on the witness stand in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in the court?"

"Yes, Sir," the boy answered.

"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"

"My father, Sir," said the boy.

"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.

"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, everything would be all right."

A JUDGE'S DILEMMA

In a small town, a person decided to open up a brothel, which was right opposite to a church. The church and its congregation started a campaign to block the brothel from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the brothel and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the brothel owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation and prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his brothel, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
 

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a brothel owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn't." 

Contributed by Rev Betty Wong 

Do You Know Me, Mrs. Jones?

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma questions if they aren't prepared for the answers.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Cleaning With Killer Soaps

At their school carnival, our kids won four free goldfish (lucky us!), so out I went Saturday morning to find an aquarium. The first few I priced ranged from $40 to $70. Then I spotted it--right in the aisle: a discarded 10-gallon display tank, complete with gravel and filter--f or a mere five bucks. Sold! Of course, it was nasty dirty, but the savings made the two hours of clean-up a breeze. 

Those four new fish looked great in their new home, at least for the first day. But by Sunday one had died. Too bad, but three remained. Monday morning revealed a second casualty, and by Monday night a third goldfish had gone belly up. 

We called in an expert, a member of our church who has a 30-gallon tank. It didn't take him long to discover the problem: I had washed the tank with soap, an absolute no-no. My uninformed efforts had destroyed the very lives I was trying to protect. 

Sometimes in our zeal to clean up our own lives or the lives of others, we unfortunately use "killer soaps"-- condemnation, criticism, nagging, fits of temper. We think we're doing right, but our harsh, self-righteous treatment is more than they can bear.

Richard L. Dunagin

The Guilty Sickle

In the year 1235, a Chinese man named Sun Tzu wrote the first book about forensic entomology: "The Washing of Wrongs." In it, he describes a murder case in which there was some doubt as to which of two sickles was used as the murder weapon. 

Sun Tzu laid them both on the ground and observed that one sickle attracted flies, presumably because there were remnants of the victim's flesh and blood on it. He announced that he had found the murder weapon, and the owner of that sickle confessed to the crime. 

The bible says, "But if you fail to keep your word, then you will have sinned against the LORD, and you may be sure that your sin will find you out." (Numbers 32:23)

As Oswald Chambers has written: "A man's disposition on the inside, i.e., what he possesses in his personality, determines what he is tempted by on the outside. The temptation fits the nature of the one tempted, and reveals the possibilities of that nature. Every man has the setting of this own temptation, and the temptation will come along the line of the ruling disposition. Temptation yielded to... is a proof that it was timidity that prevented the sin before."

So are your sins catching up with you? Are you feeling like keeping your sins hidden is just too much to bear? Why not actually deal with them now? Don’t let circumstances or people other than you be the cause of ‘everything being laid bare’ now. Lay it bare yourself. Be transparent, confess your sins, repent, receive forgiveness, and know the power of God to break confessed sin.