A Mouse In The House

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

Buried With Money

There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." 

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" 

She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." 

"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." 

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" 

"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

A Hardcore Miser

A very wealthy man in the community was not known for his generosity to the church. The church was involved in a big financial program so the fund-raising committee decided they had to pay him a visit. As they met with him, they said that in view of his considerable resources they were sure that he would like to make a substantial contribution to this program.

"I see," he said. "So you have it all figured out, have you? In the course of your investigation did you discover that I have a widowed mother who has no other means of support but me?" No, they responded, they did not know that. "Did you know that I have a sister who was left by a drunken husband with five children and no means to provide for them?" No, they said, they did not know that either. "Well, did you know also that I have a brother who is crippled due to an automobile accident and can never work another day to support his wife and family?" Embarrassingly, they responded, no, they did not know that either. 

"Well," he thundered triumphantly, "I've never given any of them a cent, so why should I give anything to you?"

(eSermons.com)