Biblical Humors

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? 
A. Ruthless. 


Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds. 

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? 
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. 


Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? 
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.



Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? 
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? 
A. Samson. He brought the house down.



Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? 
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. 

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan The banks were always overflowing.



Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.



Q. Which Bible character had no parents? 
A. Joshua, son of Nun. 


Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ? 
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan .)

PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee? 
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . "He-brews" 

The Horse Does Not Look Good

One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse.
 

Hoping to buy the animal, the man said to the farmer: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you $500 for him."

"He doesn't look good, and he's not for sale," the farmer said.

The man insisted, "I think he looks good and I'll up the price to $1000!"

"He doesn't look so good," the farmer said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours."

The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse! You cheated me!"

The farmer calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"

How Mensa Members Solve Problems

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher.

A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand?

Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.

They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker...."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

The Burglar and the Pastor

A burglar broke into a minister's house and told the pastor, "One move and you're dead. I'm looking for money."

The pastor replied, "Hang on, let me get a light and I'll help you." 

(A hint to the congregation to pay the pastor better! lol)

Answering Price Objection

A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who complained about the current prices compared to the low prices in the good old days. 

The boss gave a surprising advice: "Just act surprised and tell them you didn't think that they were old enough to remember them."

The Lord's Poem?

A lady came to a famous poet and handed him a piece of paper, explaining, "The Lord has given me this poem."

The poet scanned the appalling doggerel she had written, then wadded it up and threw it into the trash with the reply, "The Lord has given; the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

This is one of the typical ways by which people use the name of God in vain.

Historic Recall

Ms. Crabtree had been telling her 1st grade class the story of the discovery of America by Columbus.

She concluded with, "And all this happened more than 500 years ago."

"Wow!" exclaimed Little Johnny, "What a great memory you have!"

Choking Fee

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved the man's life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.

"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"

Punching Criminal

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."