The Peacock Syndrome

A rich man decided to take up fishing. He bought the most expensive equipment and bait, but he caught nothing. 

He passed by a farm boy who had an old stick and a rusty hook but had caught a big string of fish. 

"How did you manage to catch so many, when I couldn't catch a single one?" he asked. 

"Oh," said the boy, "I try to keep out of sight so the fish won't see me. Perhaps you show yourself too much."

The Funeral of An Enemy

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ^{(Philippians 4:13)}

Some time ago, a teacher in Decatur, Georgia, taught her fourth-grade students an invaluable lesson by conducting a funeral. She enthused her class because the funeral was to be conducted for an enemy—the "I can't" enemy.

"Each child was encouraged to list their 'I Can'ts': 'I can't do math.' 'I can't make any friends.' 'I can't hit a home run in softball.' 'I can't give a book report in front of the class,'" and so on.

When the teacher collected all the "I can't" lists, she put them in a box and took them with the class outside where they took turns in digging a grave. In her eulogy she said, "We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. He is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can,' 'I Will,' and 'I'm Going to Right Away.' May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence."

The Broken Pitcher of Milk

One of my favorite illustrations of grace is from the story of a social worker named Henry Moorehouse who lived in the very worst of slum districts in London, England, in the 1800s. 

One evening as he was walking home, Moorehouse saw a little girl carrying a pitcher of milk. Suddenly she fell, and the pitcher slipped out of her hands and shattered. As the milk flowed into the gutter, the little girl began to sob uncontrollably. 

"Honey, don't cry," said Moorehouse as he helped her get up. But the tears would not stop. 

"I'll get a whipping from my mommy," the girl said between sobs. 

"No, you won't. I'll help you put the pitcher back together again," Moorehouse assured her. 

Suddenly the tears stopped. But every time it looked as if Moorehouse would succeed, the pitcher would fall apart again. After several unsuccessful attempts, the girl began crying again. 

In the end, Moorehouse lifted the girl in his arms and carried her to a crockery store, where he bought her a brand-new pitcher. Then he carried her to the store where she had purchased the milk and paid to have the pitcher filled once more. Finally, he carried her home. 

Then Moorehouse asked the little girl if she thought her mother would still whip her. 

"No sir," she smiled. "This pitcher is much nicer than the one we had before." 

God has done something even greater than this for us. Although we were originally created in His likeness, sin shattered His image within us. We can try to mend that image through good works and religious ritual, but we are broken beyond repair. 

Robert Jeffress

Lesson From A Cake

A little boy is telling his Grandma how "everything" is going wrong: School, family problems, health problems, etc. 

Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.

She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

"Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs? "

"Gross, Grandma!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

To which Grandma replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!" She continued, "God works the same way in our lives."

50 Years Felt Like 5 Minutes

On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.

"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.

The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head:

"...underwater."

Big But Not So Smart

A newly deputized police officer responded to a report of a bar room disturbance.

The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.  What's more he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too; probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us all how strong you really are.  But all I've got is a set of lousy handcuffs. Why don't you show us just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.

"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy gingerly asked.

The fellow tried again.  "Nope," he replied.  "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."