Racoon's Attack

Gary Richmond, a former zookeeper, had this to say:

Raccoons go through a glandular change at about 24 months.

After that they often attack their owners.

Since a 30-pound raccoon can be equal to a 100-pound dog in a scrap, I felt compelled to mention the change coming to a pet raccoon owned by a young friend of mine, Julie.

She listened politely as I explained the coming danger. I'll never forget her answer.

"It will be different for me . . ." And she smiled as she added, "Bandit wouldn't hurt me. He just wouldn't."

Three months later Julie underwent plastic surgery for facial lacerations sustained when her adult raccoon attacked her for no apparent reason.

Bandit was released into the wild.

Sin, too, often comes dressed in an adorable guise, and as we play with it, how easy it is to say, "It will be different for me." The results are predictable.

Truth is, there's no such thing as "Sin Proof" Christian. Given the right opportunity and situation we can all fall into temptation and sin.

Be on your guard and stay awake. Your enemy, the devil, is like a roaring lion, sneaking around to find someone to attack. 1 Peter 5:8

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PRAY?

I heard a story of a ship that was sinking in the middle of a storm, and the captain called out to the crew and said, "Does anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward and said, "Yes sir, I know how to pray."

The captain said, "Wonderful, you pray while the rest of us put on life jackets--we're one short."

Author unknown. Taken from pastorlife.com.

Old Golf's Buddy

There was once an elderly gentleman who loved playing golf. But he was almost eighty, and his vision was not very good anymore. He always had partners with him when he went out to play so they could watch his ball and tell him where it went. 

One day his buddies did not show up. It was a beautiful day for golf, and as he waited at the clubhouse he got more and more upset that he wasn't going to get to play his round. 

Another elderly man in the clubhouse saw him and asked, “What’s wrong?” The man explained his predicament: “I was really looking forward to playing golf today. But I don’t see very well anymore, so I need someone to watch the ball after I hit.” 

The second man was even older than he was, but he said, “That’s no problem. I’ll be glad to ride around with you. I’ve got 20/20 vision. I can see like a hawk. You just hit the ball, and I’ll watch it fly right down the fairway.” 

So they went out on the first tee, and the old man hit the ball right down the center. He turned to his spotter. “Did you see it?” 

The man replied, “I saw it all the way until it stopped rolling.” “Well, where did it go?” 

The older man paused for a moment and then said, “I forgot.”

God IS Watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. 

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching. "

Moving farther along the lunch line, at the end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 

A child had written a note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Reading Psalm 23

One Sunday, a young boy was asked to read Psalm 23 to the whole congregation. After he finished, the whole church stood up and gave this gifted child a long and loud applause. Then the oldest man in the Church was asked to read the same Psalm. 

After he finished reading, there was dead silence. Then the sound of weeping spread across the sanctuary. People were sobbing and raising their hands to heaven. 

During the break, the boy went to the elderly man and asked for advice, "Why when I read Psalm 23, the people applauded. But when you read it, they wept?" 

The wise old man said to this curious child, " My son, you have done very well in reading the Psalm. You know the Psalm of the Shepherd well and you have read it with perfect diction and enunciation. But as for me, my voice may not be that clear, my diction poor, but after so many years of walking with my Beloved Lord, I know Him, the Shepherd of the Psalm very well."

How Different Churches Solve Their Problem With Squirrels

There were three country churches in a small Texas town: the Presbyterian church, the Lutheran church and the Catholic church.

Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.

One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the Lutherans who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church.

Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Classic Church Feuds

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing, 'I Shall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, 'Jesus Paid It All.'

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was 'I Love To Tell The Story.'

The preacher became disgusted over the situation and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang 'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'

When the preacher resigned the next week he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, 'What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'