Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes Can Be Very Enlightening. While they make you laugh, they also help you to realize your flaws and mistakes. Do not expect your spouse to make the changes. That will be a great mistake. After reading all these jokes, you must decide to change yourself.
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While getting married, most of the guys would say to the girl's parents, "I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life".

Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents like, "I will keep your son happy for the rest of his life"?

No. Because women don't tell lies!

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There was an argument between a couple that threatened to turn violent.

Husband: "Don’t you force me and let the animal in me come out!"

Wife: "Really? Who’s afraid of a mouse?"
            
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If a wife wants her husband’s attention, she just needs to look sad and uncomfortable.

If a husband wants his wife’s attention, he just needs to look very comfortable and happy.
            
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A philosopher once said that "Every wife is a "Mistress" of her husband.
During the first year of marriage, she will be so loving and would "MISS" him.
In subsequent years, the wife would "STRESS" him and that will be for the rest of his life.
            
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Do you remember the tingling feeling when you said the marriage vow during your wedding?

That was the "common sense" leaving your body.
            
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Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for the Annual Day!

Dad: What role would you be playing?

Son: A husband!

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
            
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A man outside the phone booth: “Excuse me, you have been holding the phone for 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.

The man inside the phone booth: “I am talking to my wife!”
           
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A very intelligent girl was asked about the meaning of marriage. She said, “Marriage is sacrificing the admiration of hundreds of guys, just to face the criticism of one idiot.”
           
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The position of a husband is just like a split air-conditioner unit. No matter how loud he is outdoor, he is designed to remain silent indoor!
            
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A husband was giving advice to his wife: "You should learn to embrace your mistakes."

So, immediately she hugged and embraced him.

Missionary and Toast

A missionary in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm toast."

A ray of light breaks forth from the sky and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT toast. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief."

So the missionary picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the head of the chief, knocking him out. He is breathing heavily while standing above the sprawled out-chief.

Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again: "Okay...NOW you're toast!"

Different Rewards In Eternity

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Presbyterian all die and go to heaven. Saint Peter comes around to the Pearly Gates and leads them through to a hallway lined with doors. These, he explains, lead to the place you'll spend eternity in.


He asks the Catholic, "What denomination were you?"


"Roman Catholic."


Peter points to a heavily carved dark wooden door and says, "Step in there." The Catholic opens it up to find a chapel lined with stained-glass windows and candles. He gasps with delight, "A church!" and runs inside, kneels and starts counting his rosary.


Peter turns to the Baptist and gets his denomination, then points to another door. The Baptist opens it to find a canvas tent filled with people singing and waving their arms to a swaying choir and a shouting pastor. "A revival meeting!" He runs and joins the crowd.


Finally Peter asks the Presbyterian, "And what were you?"


"Presbyterian."


Peter leads him to another door and pulls it open. Inside is a big, round table with people seated around shuffling papers and arguing. The Presbyterian claps his hands to his face in happiness.


"A committee!"