Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Showing posts with label Unbelief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Unbelief. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Karate Dog



A young couple lived in a town filled with crime.

After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog.

"Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!"

The woman didn't believe the clerk, so he told the dog to karate a chair. The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to karate a table, and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home.

Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills.

"Karate, my butt!" the husband yelled.

To this very day, he is still in the hospital.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

What Many Unchurched People Think The Church Believes

Dorothy L. Sayers
Dorothy Sayers at her best
Into her famous mid-20th century essay “The Dogma Is the Drama,” mystery writer, religious playwright, and Dante translator inserts the following scathing and humorous assessment of what many unchurched people think the church believes. Sadly, this portrait may still not be far off. And as they were then, these sorts of mistakes are still largely the fault of the church itself.
Q.:          What does the Church think of God the Father?
A.:          He is omnipotent and holy. He created the world and imposed on man conditions impossible of fulfillment. He is very angry if these are not carried out. He sometimes interferers by means of arbitrary judgments and miracles, distributed with a good deal of favoritism. He . . . is always ready to pound on anybody who trips up over a difficulty in the Law, or is having a bit of fun. He is rather like a dictator, only larger and more arbitrary.
Q.:          What does the Church think of God the Son?
A.:          He is in some way to be identified with Jesus of Nazareth. It is not His fault that the world was made like this, and, unlike God the Father, he is friendly to man and did His best to reconcile man to God (see Atonement). He has a good deal of influence with God, and if you want anything done, it is best to apply to Him.
Q.:          What does the Church think about God the Holy Ghost?
A.:          I don’t know exactly. He was never seen or heard of till Pentecost. There is a sin against Him which damns you forever, but nobody knows what it is.
Q.:          What is the doctrine of the Trinity?
A.:          “The Father incomprehensible, the Son incomprehensible, and the whole thing incomprehensible.” It’s something put in by theologians to make it more difficult—it’s got nothing to do with daily life or ethics.
Q.:          What was Jesus Christ like in real life?
A.:          He was a good man—so good as to be called the Son of God. He is to be identified in some way the God the Son (see above). He was meek and mild and preached a simple religion of love and pacifism. He has no sense of humor. Anything in the Bible that suggests another side to His character must be an interpolation, or a paradox invented by G. K. Chesterton. If we try to live like Him, God the Father will let us off being damned hereafter and only have us tortured in this life instead.
Q.:          What is meant by the Atonement?
A.:          God wanted to damn everybody, but His vindictive sadism was sated by the crucifixion of His own Son, who was quite innocent, and, therefore, a particularly attractive victim. He now only damns people who don’t follow Christ or who never heard of Him.
Q.:          What does the Church think of sex?
A.:          God made it necessary to the machinery of the world, and tolerates it, provided the parties (a) are married, and (b) get no pleasure out of it.
Q.:          What does the Church call Sin?
A.:          Sex (otherwise than as excepted above); getting drunk; saying “damn”; murder, and cruelty to dumb animals; not going to church; most kinds of amusements. “Original sin” means that anything we enjoy doing is wrong.
Q.:          What is faith?
A.:          Resolutely shutting your eyes to scientific fact.
Q.:          What is the human intellect?
A.:          A barrier to faith.
Q.:          What are the seven Christian virtues?
A.:          Respectability; childishness; mental timidity; dullness; sentimentality; censoriousness; and depression of spirits.
Q.:          Wilt thou be baptized in this faith?
A.:          No fear!
This kind of close, observant understanding of what people today really think about Christianity is crucial to the business of translating the gospel for one’s own culture. Though that “culture” is always a moving target, that doesn’t remove our responsibility to understand that target and articulate the gospel in terms understandable by it.
Of course, when we do this sort of thing the first thing we’ll be told by other well-meaning Christians is that we are compromising the gospel, or syncretizing it with foreign material. While that’s certainly a possible error, it was not one that Sayers made: or at least, not one that she made very often–and certainly not one she made intentionally. More than almost any other modern lay theologian, Sayers refused to compromise orthodox theology in her apologetic responses to such misunderstandings.
Then, of course, there’s the fact that she’s just a darn good writer—compelling, funny, insightful, choosing just the right turn of phrase for her audience. Man, I love reading Sayers.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Barber's Fault?


A preacher and an atheistic barber were once walking through the city slums.

Said the barber to the preacher: "This is why I cannot believe in a God of love. If God was as kind and loving as you say, He would not permit all this poverty, disease, and squalor. He would not allow these poor bums to be addicted to dope and other character-destroying habits. No, I cannot believe in a God who permits these things."

The minister was silent until they met a man who was especially unkept and filthy. His hair was hanging down his neck and he had a half-inch of stubble on his face.

Said the minister: "You can't be a very good barber or you wouldn't permit a man like that to continue living in this neighborhood without a haircut and a shave."

Indignantly the barber answered: "Why blame me for that man's condition? I can't help it that he is like that. He has never come in my shop. I could fix him up and make him look like a gentleman!"

Giving the barber a penetrating look, the minister said: "Then don't blame God for allowing the people to continue in their evil ways, when He is constantly inviting them to come and be saved."

Truth be told, God can't change you unless you step forward and ask God to help you change for the better.