Sales Department and Not Management

A pastor who was an avid golfer was taking part in a local golf tournament. As he prepared to tee off, storm clouds rolled in. 

The organizer of the tournament pointed them out to the pastor and said with a smile, "Preacher, I trust you’ll see to it that the weather won't turn bad on us." 

The pastor shook his head and said, "Sorry. I'm in sales, not management!"

When we pray, minister, share our faith, and follow God's guidance, it's important—and liberating—to remember that the results aren't up to us. 

Blaming the Circumstances

The newest member of a country club was taking his initiatory round of golf with the club's officers. 

He was nervous about making a good impression. He teed up the ball, spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a healthy swing. The golf club removed about a pound of turf, but left the ball intact. 

Terribly embarrassed, the man again planted his feet, took another healthy swing, and again, totally missed the ball. 

Although thoroughly exasperated, once again he spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a vibrant swing - and for the third time missed. 

Whereupon he looked up and said, "Wow, this sure is a tough course."

Many of us are more like that golfer than we care to admit. We spend our time and energy blaming our problems on circumstances and conditions and cultural contexts, when we should be changing our stance.

- Leonard Sweet

Old Golf's Buddy

There was once an elderly gentleman who loved playing golf. But he was almost eighty, and his vision was not very good anymore. He always had partners with him when he went out to play so they could watch his ball and tell him where it went. 

One day his buddies did not show up. It was a beautiful day for golf, and as he waited at the clubhouse he got more and more upset that he wasn't going to get to play his round. 

Another elderly man in the clubhouse saw him and asked, “What’s wrong?” The man explained his predicament: “I was really looking forward to playing golf today. But I don’t see very well anymore, so I need someone to watch the ball after I hit.” 

The second man was even older than he was, but he said, “That’s no problem. I’ll be glad to ride around with you. I’ve got 20/20 vision. I can see like a hawk. You just hit the ball, and I’ll watch it fly right down the fairway.” 

So they went out on the first tee, and the old man hit the ball right down the center. He turned to his spotter. “Did you see it?” 

The man replied, “I saw it all the way until it stopped rolling.” “Well, where did it go?” 

The older man paused for a moment and then said, “I forgot.”

The Caddy

THE CADDY

Two golfers stepped up to the first tee on the St. Andrews course in New York. The older golfer was a kindly man who played a thoughtful, deliberate game. The younger golfer was full of pride and impatience.

On the first hole he sliced, lost his ball in the tall grass, hit another one, & had a score of 8 instead of 4 or 5. And the next hole was even worse.

Frustrated, he began hollering at the caddy: "Keep your eyes peeled. I'm not here to do your job for you!" Thereafter, every bad shot was the caddy's fault! At the end of the first 9 holes, the younger golfer was so upset that he discharged the caddy and carried his own bag. "That caddy made me nervous. He doesn't like me, and I blankety-blank sure don't like him! I say good riddance to him!"

After several more holes had been played without a word, the older golfer broke the silence: "Several years ago a little kid from Yonkers came up here and became a caddy. He was a sweet-natured boy; quick-witted, willing, and had a nose for golf. Everybody liked him. His name was William; he had a clubfoot. But that didn't affect his caddying. It was a pleasure to go out with him."

"A famous doctor, a member of the club, became interested in William and took him South that winter and operated on his foot. When William returned, he went back to caddying. The doctor, however, had to give up golf shortly after that because of his health. And it wasn't long after that when he died.

"Months later I was playing a round with William carrying my bag. It was Spring, the fields and hedges were alive with blossoms. William stopped several times to gather flowers until he had quite a bouquet. 'Who's the girl, William?' I asked. 'I haven't any girl, sir,' he said. 'They're for my friend, the doctor--twice a week I take flowers to his grave.'

"Now that's a caddy worth having," the younger golfer said. "What ever happened to him?" The older man paused and then replied, "For 9 holes he was carrying your bag."

(From a sermon by Melvin Newland, Thanksgiving and Praise, 11/24/2010)

Would You Remarry?

A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would."

"If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?"...

"Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed."