Crazy Laws

It was not uncommon in the Middle Ages for animals to be tried in courts of law. These prosecutions were based on the Biblical law of Moses which stated that, "If an ox gores a man or woman so that they die, then the ox shall be stoned and his flesh shall not be eaten". 

Horses, rats, pigs and even insects have been taken to court on various occasions. In 1445, at St. Julien, an action was taken against some beetles which had ravaged a vineyard. The insects declined to attend court, so the case fizzled out. 

In the 16th century, a clothes moth was put on trial in Spain, charged with destroying a valuable tapestry. Actually, it was innocent; it was the larvae who were the real culprits. But the moth was found guilty anyway and sentenced to have its throat cut. 

In France in 1314, a bull was hanged for goring a man and in 1457, a sow and her six young piglets were sentenced to death for eating a child. The sow was executed, but the piglets got off on account of their youth. 

Humans have passed all sorts of stupid laws - and still do. But there's never been a law against "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control".

Honesty and Conscience

Honesty and Conscience

It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows:

"You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I'd be up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud."

Lawyers Say The Dumbest Things

The following questions from lawyers were taken from official records nationwide in USA:

1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3. Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

4. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6. Were you alone or by yourself?

7. How long have you been a French Canadian?

8. Do you have children or anything of that kind?

9. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes
Q: What were you doing at the time?

13. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14. So you were gone until you returned?

15. Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there girls?

16. You don't know what it was, and you don't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18. Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

The Rabbi And Dietary Laws

A rabbi was walking home from the synagogue and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.

The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when to his absolute horror, he saw his friend stepped into a non-kosher Chinese restaurant. 

Standing at the door, the rabbi observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. 

A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of pork spare ribs, shrimps in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other non-kosher delicacies. 

As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi could take it no longer and burst into the restaurant.

With a loud voice, he reproached his friend, "Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we have been taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"

Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?"

The Rabbi nodded yes.

"Did you see me order this meal?"

Again he nodded yes.

"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?"

Again he nodded yes.

"And did you see me eat it?"

The Rabbi nods yes.

"Then, Rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision."