Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes Can Be Very Enlightening. While they make you laugh, they also help you to realize your flaws and mistakes. Do not expect your spouse to make the changes. That will be a great mistake. After reading all these jokes, you must decide to change yourself.
-----------
While getting married, most of the guys would say to the girl's parents, "I will keep your daughter happy for the rest of her life".

Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents like, "I will keep your son happy for the rest of his life"?

No. Because women don't tell lies!

-----------

There was an argument between a couple that threatened to turn violent.

Husband: "Don’t you force me and let the animal in me come out!"

Wife: "Really? Who’s afraid of a mouse?"
            
-----------

If a wife wants her husband’s attention, she just needs to look sad and uncomfortable.

If a husband wants his wife’s attention, he just needs to look very comfortable and happy.
            
----------

A philosopher once said that "Every wife is a "Mistress" of her husband.
During the first year of marriage, she will be so loving and would "MISS" him.
In subsequent years, the wife would "STRESS" him and that will be for the rest of his life.
            
----------

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you said the marriage vow during your wedding?

That was the "common sense" leaving your body.
            
----------

Son: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for the Annual Day!

Dad: What role would you be playing?

Son: A husband!

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!
            
----------

A man outside the phone booth: “Excuse me, you have been holding the phone for 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.

The man inside the phone booth: “I am talking to my wife!”
           
----------

A very intelligent girl was asked about the meaning of marriage. She said, “Marriage is sacrificing the admiration of hundreds of guys, just to face the criticism of one idiot.”
           
----------

The position of a husband is just like a split air-conditioner unit. No matter how loud he is outdoor, he is designed to remain silent indoor!
            
----------

A husband was giving advice to his wife: "You should learn to embrace your mistakes."

So, immediately she hugged and embraced him.

Attractive Wife

Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time.

One day Amy was upset because she thought her husband didn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cried.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replied Jamie.

"Yes," answered Amy, "but your husband's an antique dealer!"

Dreaming of Pearl Necklace

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

LOVE IS "I STILL KNOW WHO SHE IS".

It was a busy morning, approximately 8.30 am, when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in hurry as he had an appointment at 9.00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looked at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I went to evaluate his wound.

On closer examination, it had healed nicely, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be , and will not be.

Three Husbands' Attitudes Towards Leftovers:

Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers:

"It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a movie producer and he calls them reruns."

"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a quality control engineer and he calls them rejects!"

"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them remains!"

For Richer or Poorer

For Richer or Poorer
Here's a story that will really make you think about what's most important in life.

The wives who lived within the walls of the Weinsberg Castle in Germany were well aware of the riches it held: gold, sliver, jewels, and wealth beyond belief.

Then the day came in 1141 A. D. when all their treasure was threatened. And enemy army had surrounded the castle and demanded the fortress, the fortune, and the lives of the men within. There was nothing to do but surrender.

Although the conquering commander had set a condition for the safe release of all the women and children, the wives of Weinsberg refused to leave without having one of their own conditions met, as well. They demanded that they be allowed to fill their arms with as many possessions as they could carry out with them. Knowing that the women couldn't possibly make a dent in the massive fortune, their request was honored.

When the castle gates opened, the army outside was brought to tears. Each woman had carried out her husband.

The wives of Weinsberg, indeed, were well aware of the riches the castle held.
-------------------------------------
From Wikipedia
Presumably around 1000, the Weibertreu Castle was established on a mountain at the trade route running from Heilbronn to Schwäbisch Hall. In 1140 the castle was besieged by Konrad III in the course of the struggles between the Staufers and the Welfs. Finally it had to surrender on December 21, 1140, since the army of Welf VI to release the castle had been defeated by the Staufers in a battle. According to the report of the Chronica regia Coloniensis, the women of the castle were granted free departure and allowed to take what they could carry on their backs. They carried down their men, and so saved their lives, since the king adhered to his word. The women became known as treue Weiber ("loyal women"). The castle (today's ruin) is called Weibertreu due to this occurrence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weinsberg