Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Lesson From A Sea of Milk


I recently heard a story from Stephen Glenn about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?


He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk!


When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, “"Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?”"


Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "“You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?"” He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.


His mother then said, “"You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let’s go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it.”" The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!


This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn’t need to be afraid to make mistakes. Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment “doesn’t work,” we usually learn something valuable from it.


Wouldn’t it be great if all parents would respond the way Robert’s mother responded to him?


—Jack Canfield

Pencil And Eraser


Pencil: I'm sorry 


Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.


Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time. 


Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.


The Rope

I love this illustration on the nature of faith which originally appeared in the book Questions of Truth and was recently adapted in the PreachingToday newsletter:

"Philosopher Nicholas Beale and scientist John Polkinghorne use the following story to illustrate the nature of biblical faith:

"A philosopher, a scientist and a simple man—none of whom could swim—were trapped in a cove with sheer cliff faces. They split up, but the tide kept coming in. Rescuers lowered a rope with a safety harness. The philosopher said, 'Ah, this looks like a rope, but I might be mistaken—it could be wishful thinking or an illusion.' So he didn't attach himself, and he was drowned.

"The scientist said, 'Ah, this is an 11 mm polyester rope with a breaking strain of 2800 kg. It conforms to the MR 10-81 standard,' and then proceeded to give an exhaustive, and entirely correct, analysis of the rope's physical and chemical properties; but he didn't attach himself, and he was drowned.

"The simple man said, 'Ah, I'm not sure if it's a rope or a python tail, but it's my only chance, so I'm grabbing it and holding on with my whole life.' He was saved.

"Of course other things being equal, it is better to have an enlightened faith in God than an unenlightened faith, but mere intellectual understanding that does not lead to trust and action is not what God is after."

Michael Duduit

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Reasonable Doubt

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.

"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused,retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."

BURNT BISCUITS

When I was a little child, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. 

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Baby, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides - a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!"

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the best housekeeper or cook.. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

So, please, pass a biscuit, and, yes, the burnt one will do just fine! Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and forgive those who don't. 

APPRECIATE THOSE LOVED ONES WHOM GOD GIVES YOU... THEY DO NOT LIVE FOREVER AND NEITHER DO YOU!


An Old Story From China - The Two Brothers

It was an old story from China. Two brothers worked together on the family farm.  One was married and had a large family.  The other was single.  At the day's end, the brothers shared everything equally, produce and profit.

Then one day the single brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share equally the produce and the profit.  I'm alone and my needs are simple." 

So each night he took a sack of grain from his barn and crept across the field between their houses, dumping it into his brother's barn.

Meanwhile, the married brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share the produce and the profit equally.  After all, I'm married and I have my wife and my children to look after me in years to come.  My brother has no one, and no one to take care of his future." 

So each night he took a sack of grain and dumped it into his single brother's barn.

Both men were puzzled for years because their supply of grain never dwindled.  Then one dark night the two brothers bumped into each other. Slowly it dawned on them what was happening.

They dropped their sacks and embraced one another.

Friday, September 23, 2011

A Can of Peach

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shoplifting.


When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" she replied, "A can of peaches."


The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.


The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied, "Six."


The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."


Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.


He said, "What is it?"


The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."

Monday, September 19, 2011

Good And Bad News When Train Broke Down

A large, two-engined train was making its way across America. While crossing the Western mountains, one of the engines broke down. 

"No problem, we can make it to Denver and get a replacement engine there," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power. 

Farther on down the line (if you didn't guess by now), the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill in the middle of nowhere.

The engineer needed to inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and always trying to look on the bright side of things, made the following announcement: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time until the additional engines arrive. The good news is that you didn't take this trip in a plane!"

Gorilla Removal


Did I tell you the story about the day I arrived home from work and discovered a gorilla sitting on my roof?  Not knowing what to do, I opened the Yellow Pages and looked up "Gorilla Removal."  I called the only listing. 

A man quickly arrived and removed the followng equipment from his truck: a ladder, a bunch of bananas, a big stick, a pair of handcuffs, a Chihuahua and a gun.

As I was appropriately curious, I asked him what he was going to do with all that stuff. The man replied: "I'm going to use the ladder to get on the roof, then I'm going to throw the bananas to the gorilla. While he's busy eating them, I'm going to knock him off the roof with this stick. When he hits the ground the Chihuahua is going to bite him in the groin, at which time the gorilla will throw his hands in the air, and you slap the cuffs on him."  

I asked, "What about the gun?"

The man handed the gun to me and said, "Sometimes the gorilla knocks me off the roof. If that happens, you shoot the Chihuahua!"