To All Those Considering Suicide

One woman had a very intimate experience with suicide and wanted to share her story. We were so moved by her story, her faith and her desire to help others that we simply had to share this from her blog: 

To All Those Considering Suicide

Time stood still. Minutes seemed like hours as the panic rushed in while I read the text that my friend sent me. She told me that she was going to commit suicide. I was states away from her and had no way to stop her from doing what she was proposing. I said a quick prayer asking the Lord for much needed wisdom and called her cell phone. When she answered, I could only hear a sobbing hiccup of a "hello." I remember begging her not to commit suicide and telling her that there was hope.

"You don't know what's it's like, Emmy! You have no clue!" She sobbed.

Oh, but I did. I knew exactly where she was... only all too well. Memory after memory came flooding back as I reminisced how often I had wanted to kill myself as well. Times when I had thought that there was no hope. Times when I was so lonely or hurt that death seemed the much better option. Oh yes. I knew how she felt. But I also knew now that there was always hope. There was always a better way than suicide, and that's what I began to share with her. I soon had to return to work, and was reluctant to hang up the phone. After extracting a promise from her to not kill herself, I went into work and pored over what had just happened. The whole incident brought up memories that were still too fresh to not hurt. Memories that I had tried to bury but were still right there. It was then that I realized that my own experiences had not been in vain. That God had used those experiences in my life to help me save someone else's life. So, here's my story, and the beautiful hope that comes along with it.

When I was in grade school, my parents were having one of their fights again. As always, I was the child that took the brunt of the blame. We children were sent to our rooms so that we wouldn't hear them fighting, but nothing could block out those voices. Accusation after accusation against me was yelled downstairs. At one point they even said that I was the reason for all of their fights and marital problems. I tried my best to block out the words but never managed to do so. I asked my sister if Mom and Dad were going to get a divorce because of me. She held me tight as she told me that, that would never happen. I sat there in my room listening to them fight and wished right then that I could swallow a bottle of 409 so that they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. The only thing that kept me from doing it is that I thought it might hurt and not actually kill me. That's when the first thoughts of suicide came.

All throughout junior high and high school, I was suicidal. I would never admit my intentions to anyone, but suicide was always at the front of my mind. After constantly being told how ugly, fat, and stupid I was, I just assumed that no one loved me and that I wasn't good enough for anything. For years, I endured emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse. I would sit at my desk and just think of what would happen if I took my life. Suicide was my day dream. I dreamt that if I killed myself, then, maybe my parents would realize what a great kid I actually was. I did everything I could to please them, but it was never enough. Being as I had no real friends, I was so overwhelmingly lonely. I would day dream about people wishing that they had taken the time to get to know me better when I was still alive. Then they would see what a great person I was, right? I would day dream about how much it would hurt people if I killed myself. I wanted to hurt them. They hurt me, so it was only fair that I did something so much worse to hurt them. I wanted to just have an escape from the pain. I thought suicide was my only escape. I could find none other. If I died, I wouldn't have to deal with the overwhelming pain. The feelings of inadequacy would never bother me again. I would never be told that I wasn't good enough again. Joy filled my heart as I thought of that. Suicide brought me joy, but it also brought me misery. Honestly? I didn't want to die. I wanted to get married and have children, but I also knew that it could never happen. I tried so many times to start to commit suicide, but something always stopped me. Something always got in the way of my actually carrying through with my plan.

It was in this deep, dark mire that Jesus reached and gave me everlasting hope. I had been a Christian for quite some time, but had never really lived like it. That didn't matter to Jesus. He came right where I was and held out His open hand. With a lot of hesitancy, I took His hand and was pulled out of my pit of suicide and depression. I now can say that without Jesus I would not be alive today. He showed me that there is always hope. That HE is my escape. When the yelling and emotional abuse started, He gave me the strength to get through it. He told me that He had better plans for me than suicide, and that He wasn't finished with me yet. When I could escape the fights, I would run to my room, plug in my headphones, read my Bible, and just weep. But in those times, I felt Jesus more so than ever before. He was right there beside me, lifting me up, and comforting me. When the emotional abuse would sometimes turn into physical abuse, and I thought that I just couldn't take it anymore, He was right there beside me at every step. I know some of you may think that I'm crazy, but I promise you, that He never let me go. He became my best, best friend. I love how David puts it in Psalms. In Psalm 69, David beseeches God to save him from the mire and the pit. Then in Psalm 70 verses 5, 14, and 16 we can see that David saw that his hope was in the Lord: "For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth. But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more. I will go in the strength of the Lord God: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only." Praise the Lord that He is our hope and salvation!

Now, as a young adult, I sometimes still struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. I still wish to end my life instead of putting up with the pain, but let me tell you something. Suicide would be the most selfish thing that I could do. Suicide only thinks about me, me, me, and me. Why I'm unhappy. Why I'm hurt. Why I shouldn't be here. How I think that other's should treat me. I find that in those times when I am depressed, I need to check my focus. What am I focusing on in those times? I can guarantee you that when I'm depressed and suicidal, that my thoughts are always on me and my problems. Instead, my thoughts need to be on Jesus and His works. During those times, you'll find me breaking out into a praise song in the middle of the crowd. I may be singing way off key, but I'm praising my Lord and remembering all that He has done for me. I will walk around and purposely look for things to thank the Lord for that I've never thanked Him for before. I'll thank Him for the road and the people who built the it, or for person who just smiled at me. Only then, will I find myself rising above my struggles, and find the blessed hope that Jesus has given me. The hope for living.We can again find examples of this in the Psalms as David, in his darkest hours, praises the Lord Almighty for His wondrous works!

My friend, if you are considering suicide, there is hope! I've been right where you are. I know your pain. I know your hurt. I know your loneliness, but I promise you that there is hope. There is a way out. Jesus has promised us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that He will not bring anything into our lives that is more then we can take. There is always hope. I know that right now, all you can see is the darkness of your struggle, but look up my friend! Start praising the Lord. I promise you that if you do, your life will change radically in the way you view it. If you don't know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, He is standing right there with you in that pit with an outstretched hand, just waiting for you to take it. There is an end to your struggle and there is hope. Let Jesus show you what it is.

May God bless you!

<3 Emmy"

(via alifelivedwithhope.blogspot.com)

Why Did God Make Me As I Am?”

A happily married woman with two children lost both of them. They were buried in the same grave. After that, she suffered a deep emotional collapse. For years her family fed and cared for her as though she was as weak and helpless as a little child.

One day her aunt, a joyful Christian, took her turn at feeding her. The distraught and despondent woman said, “Auntie, you keep on saying that God loves us. I used to think so too; but if He loves us, why did He make me as I am?”

The aunt kissed her gently, said with the wisdom of years, “Dear, He hasn’t made you yet. He’s making you now!”

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply; The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.”

Eddie and Alice Smith

See You In The Morning

Dr. W. A Criswell, Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas Texas, said on one occasion on an airplane flight he found himself seated beside a well-known theologian. 


He desperately wanted to start a conversation and they did get to talk. The man told Dr. Criswell about how he had recently lost his little boy through death. 


Dr. Criswell listened as he told his story: He said he had come home from school with a fever and we thought it was just one of those childhood things, but it was a very virulent form of meningitis. The doctor said we cannot save your little boy. He'll die. 


And so this seminary professor, loving his son as he did, sat by the bedside to watch this death vigil. 


It was the middle of the day and the little boy whose strength was going from him and whose vision and brain was getting clouded said, "Daddy, it's getting dark isn't it?" The professor said to his son, "Yes son it is getting dark, very dark." 


Of course it was very dark for him. He said, "Daddy, I guess it's time for me to go to sleep isn't it?" 


He said, "Yes, son, it's time for you to go to sleep." 


The professor said the little fellow had a way of fixing his pillow just so, and putting his head on his hands when he slept and he fixed his pillow like that and laid his head on his hands and said, "Good night Daddy. I will see you in the morning." 


He then closed his eyes in death and stepped over into heaven. 


Dr. Criswell said the professor didn't say anymore after that. He just looked out the window of that airplane for a long time. 


Then he turned back and he looked at Dr Criswell with the scalding tears coming down his cheeks and he said, "Dr. Criswell, I can hardly wait till the morning." 


Let's face it... 


We will all face trials that will test our patience and faith in God. 


There will be times that we can't explain why we're going through such enormous pain. 


And the only thing that we can do in this situation is... 


...to stay strong in our faith in our creator. 


Keeping your eyes in God requires more time and serious commitment in reading His Words. Because faith is develop by regularly reading and meditating God's Word. 

Alexander the Great - Nothing

When Alexander the Great was setting out on one of his campaigns, he was distributing numerous gifts to his friends. In his generosity he had given away nearly all his possessions. 

"Sir," said one of his friends, "you will have nothing left for yourself."

"Oh yes I have," said Alexander, "I still have my hopes."

God Will Make A Way

Don Moen was awakened in the middle of the night by a phone call from his mother-in-law; a tragic car accident had just occurred. Don’s sister-in-law, Susan, her husband, and their four little boys were on an automobile trip when tragedy struck. They all were seriously injured, and their eight-year-old son was dying from his injuries. 

As Don and his wife grieved and poured out their hearts to the Lord, they felt helpless to communicate any hope to Susan and Craig. Don recalls asking the Lord to help him express hope to the family members. In a very short time, Don scribbled some lyrics and composed the music for a chorus that, to this day, gives believers a deep sense of hope in the midst of difficult times. The lyrics read:

God will make a way,

where there seems to be no way;

He works in ways we cannot see,

He will make a way for me.

He will be my guide,

hold me closely to His side;

With love and strength for each new day,

He will make a way. He will make a way!

 

To put it simply, the only way to have hope is to have Him. The only way to have peace is to have Him.

Wisdom for the Heart with Dr. Stephen Davey

The Widow of Leonid Brezhnev

Leonid Brezhnev and his wife in May 1972

As Vice President, George Bush represented the U.S. at the funeral of former Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. Bush was deeply moved by a silent protest carried out by Brezhnev’s widow. She stood motionless by the coffin until seconds before it was closed. Then, just as the soldiers touched the lid, Brezhnev’s wife performed an act of great courage and hope, a gesture that must surely rank as one of the most profound acts of civil disobedience ever committed: She reached down and made the sign of the cross on her husband’s chest. 

Leonid Brezhnev died on 10 November 1982

There in the citadel of secular, atheistic power, the wife of the man who had run it all hoped that her husband was wrong. She hoped that there was another life, and that that life was best represented by Jesus who died on the cross, and that the same Jesus might yet have mercy on her husband. 

Gary Thomas, in C.T., October 3, 1994, p. 26