Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Indian Youth's Rite of Passage

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him, and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must  come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him.

Perhaps even some human might do him harm. The wind blows the grass and earth and shake his stump, but he must sit stoically, never removing the blindfold. It is the only way he can become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appears and he removes his  blindfold. It is then that he discovers his father sitting on the stump next to him. He has been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Blind Mare Led Everywhere By One-eyed Horse

They say you can lead a horse to water … but this blind mare is being led everywhere by a one-eyed companion who has become her protector.

Blind mare led everywhere by one-eyed horse

Angel, a 12-year-old rescue horse, has formed a remarkable bond with Tarna, who shadows her everywhere and gently guides her away from danger.

The pair have become inseparable since meeting at The Horse Trust animal sanctuary in Buckinghamshire.
Angel is fully reliant on Tarna because she lost her sight when she was starved to within an inch of her life at Spindles Farm, Bucks.

The case sparked the largest ever RSPCA equine welfare operation and led farmer James Gray, 47, to be fined £600,000 and banned from keeping horses for life.
Angel is now shadowed every second of the day by Tarna, 28, who herself has only one eye after she was impaled on a metal spike.

Susan Lewis, marketing manager at The Horse Trust, the world’s oldest horse sanctuary, described the unlikely friendship as "remarkable".

She said: "How Tarna knows Angel is blind we’ll never know. She literally shadows Angel everywhere and they go. Between the two of them they have just the one eye – it’s incredible. Maybe Tarna, because she has one eye, realised Angel was blind. We don’t know.

Blind mare led everywhere by one-eyed horse

Wherever they go Tarna is there with her good left eye looking out for both of them"

The two have developed a firm friendship and are now inseparable – Tarna will dig her feet in or cry out if a groom tries to separate the two.

"Tarna is very protective of blind Angel, leading her to food, defending her from other horses and acting as a physical shield from obstacles.Once when we separated them so Angel could have her sight tested Tarna was pawing at the door and they were crying out to each other. It was quite distressing. 

It’s incredible to think where they’ve both come from and now, together, there is no reason why they can’t live a happy life."

Brave Angel was found alongside 143 mistreated and abused horses at Spindles Farm, in Hyde Heath, Bucks., in January 2008.

The RSPCA discovered 32 dead horses and rescued 111 emaciated and starving animals from the farm.

Farmer James Gray, 47, who was found to be responsible for the abuse, was fined £600,000 and banned from keeping horses for life.

Blind mare led everywhere by one-eyed horse

The Horse Trust cares for 31 horses rescued from the horror farm and did not at first realise Angel was completely blind.
One-eyed Tarna was handed over to the trust in June 2008 after her elderly owner struggled to cope with her needs.
The pair immediately became close friends and now refuse to be separated for more than a few seconds.

Susan added: "Angel was in an appalling state I’ve never seen anything like it. Those horses were the closest thing to Belsen concentration camp for animals".

"We didn’t know at the start Angel was completely blind. She had lost her fur and was so skinny because she had to fight for food".

"It seems she went blind because she starved."
The Horse Trust opened in London in 1886 and is the world’s oldest horse charity.

It now cares for 91 horses at a 200 acre site after moving to Speen, Bucks.

Source: Small World

The Giant Squids Hunting Club

It’s an old story used by many preachers. However, it illustrates an important principle that is applicable to our churches today.

Many thousands years ago, the islanders of Lepsog islands were champion squid hunters. They harpooned giant squids that roamed their oceans and brought prosperity to their islands. Every young man who reached 18 years of age was required to join the older men in the great sea hunt.

There were many accounts of exceptional courageous and successful hunts recorded in the ancient book known as the ‘Chronicle of Sea Warriors’. Recorded in one of its illustrious chapters was a story of a Master Squid Hunter known as Nomis who with his long-time navigator, Nhoj hauled in giant squids that fed the islanders for years.

In another account, Luap, another Master Squid Huner singlehandedly speared his game with his very own handmade harpoon. There were of course stories of cowards and quitters. There was a report about Kram, a young man, who jumped out of Luap’s boat even before the team reached deep ocean because he was really afraid of giant squids. However, the legend did record that that Kram overcame his fear and became a Master Squid Hunter himself. Another man whose name was Samed was one of the top squid hunters but left the islands forever because he wanted nothing to do with hunting giant squids any more. He was attracted by the lights of the mainland. No one knew whether he and his canoe ever reached the land of his dream.

The Master Squid Hunters left behind manuscripts on how to make the right types of harpoons, appropriate baits and also techniques in catching these sea monsters. They wrote good advice on how to avoid the tentacles and if attacked, what squid hunters should do to free themselves. For thousands of years, the manuscripts were compiled and became a treasured manual. This was a book of success as far as the squid hunters were concerned. Many copies were reproduced by hands and even translated into different languages and dialects.

After the first generation of Squid Hunters passed away, new hunters rose to fill their places. With the manual and the direct instructions from squid hunting veterans guiding them, they were just as effective as the old-timers. Many of these younger hunters pursued larger giant squids in far deeper oceans than their predecessors had even been. Years passed, as more and more people from other islands sailed to the Lepsog island to learn how to hunt giant squids, the people of these other islands were enjoying a very good healthy diet of giant squids.

Fast forward to today. The Islands of Lepsog are filled with Giant Squid Hunting schools and colleges. The students of the original schools set up similar institutions on other islands outside of Lepsog too. Squid hunting professors are very impressive. They are fantastic lecturers. To help the students, they have beautiful PowerPoint presentations and even some black-and-white film footages on how those brave squid hunters of antiquity brought in thousands of giant squids.

The libraries of these institutions are filled with countless volumes that tell and retell these old stories. Many graduates of these institutions have gone on to become the Grandmasters of the Giant Squid Hunting League. They in turn write many books about how those ancient mariners caught their amazing giants.

There is just a slight hitch.  None of these grandmasters has ever caught a giant squid before. Don’t get me wrong – they are believers of the previous existence of giant squids. However, they do not believe that there are any more giant squids in the oceans. How did they know that? They had gone to the oceans to hunt for giant squids but without any results. They have the most modern boats and ships. They have the latest hunting equipments. They have lots of money to buy anything they need for deep-sea hunting. The only problem is that they have not encountered any living giant squids in the deep oceans.

To pacify their disappointments and justify their lack of success, they assume that the giant squids have become extinct. Most likely, these squids existed in the past for the purpose of testing the courage of their ancestors. More books are produced year after year about the extinction of the giant squids in spite of sightings made by many outside their immediate circle.

The social activities of the Giant Squids Hunting Clubs in all the Lepsog islands are alive. They organize weekly events to celebrate the past existence of the giant squids. They also celebrate the bravery of their ancestors who risked their lives to harpoon these amazing creatures. Some islanders convert their clubs into museums and draw large crowds of tourists.

Then some members of the Giant Squids Hunting Club, claim that they have sighted a few giant squids during some of their fishing trips. The Grandmaster and his committee quickly dismiss these as unsubstantiated reports and thus should be considered as mere rumors. Even though, they were brought to view a decomposing carcass, they concluded that “it looks like a giant squid, smells like a giant squid and feels like a giant squid but it is not a giant squid”. Those fishermen were given warnings not to spread the rumors or face severe punishment such as being expelled from the Giant Squids Hunting Association. Without any further interruption from these ignorant fishermen, the Giant Squids Hunting Clubs continue to have exciting activities without having to actually hunt giant squids. The clubs prosper and develop franchises all over the world.

This is what happened to our churches today. Many churches have not experienced signs and wonders for such a long time that our preachers only preach about miracles of yester years. One of the popular sermons is about how Peter and John healed the lame beggar at the gate known as ‘Beautiful’ (Acts 3). We love to repeat what Peter said to the lame man, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” What an irony! Today, we have much silver and gold but in the name of Jesus, no lame person can rise up and walk. 

By Reverend Albert Kang
"Power Evangelism"

Monday, December 27, 2010

Let Me Tell You How I Save Myself!

The first thing we need to understand is we cannot save ourselves. Imagine being on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and falling overboard. Because no one saw you fall in, the ship continues toward its destination, leaving you hopelessly stranded.  

After treading water for several hours, you find yourself surrounded by sharks. You face certain death at any moment. Exhausted from trying to stay afloat, you slip underwater and begin to drown. Somehow, you force your way to the surface for one more gasp of air.

As you are about to go under for the last time, a helicopter appears miraculously out of nowhere. The rescue squad inside the helicopter throws out a rope and lassos your hand, pulling you out of the water just seconds before the sharks move in for the kill. The helicopter flies you back to shore, where you receive treatment in the hospital.

After you recover, you begin to brag about how you saved yourself.  "I'm really proud of my hand. This hand saved me. Let me tell you how I found the helicopter in the middle of the ocean...."
Just like we can't save ourselves if we were stranded in the Atlantic, we are also helpless to save ourselves from hell. God doesn't want our help, either.  Because Jesus does all of the saving, we have no right to brag about anything we have done.  

 "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast" (Ephesians 2:8-9).  

(Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 221)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Love?

The students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Those in the front row - center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class was to sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M” upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.
For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And I believe He still is.

Christian Acronyms

Here we have a list of Christian Acronyms. 
Some of them are quite amusing!

ACTS - Adoration. Contrition. Thanksgiving. Supplication.

APE - Always Pray Everyday

ASAP - Always Say A Prayer

BASIC - Becoming A Soldier In Christ

BIBLE - Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth

BIG - Bold In God

BIG FISH - Believers in God, Faithful In Serving Him

CEO - Christians Encouraging Others

CHRIST - Certainly His Resurrection Is Supreme Truth

CIA - Christ Is Alive

CIA - Christians In Action

COPS - Christian Operated Prayer Support

CORE - Christians On Road to Excellence

DOG - Depend On God

EGO - Edging God Out

EGR - Extra Grace Required

FAITH - For All I Trust Him

FEAR - False Expectations Appearing Real

FRETS - Focus Returned Exclusively To Satan

FRIEND - Fully Reliable In Each New Difficulty

FROG - Fully Rely On God

GIRAFFE - God Inspires Reverence Affection Forgiveness For Ever

GOD - God Our Defender

GOD - Great. Omnipotent. Deity

GRACE - God's Riches At Christ's Expense

GUM - God Use Me

HOPE - He Offers Peace Everyday

JAGUAR - Jesus Always Guides Us And Redeems

JCLU - Jesus Christ Loves You

JIM - Jesus In Me!

JOY - Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last.

JOY - Jesus Overshadows You

LEOPARD - Love Everyone Offer Prays And Repent Daily

LICE - Life In Christ Eternal

LOVE - Love Others Very Eagerly

PRAY - Praise. Repent. Ask. Yield.

PUSH - Pray Until Something Happens

SPAM - Serving People Aids Me

TED - Treasure Each Day

TGIF - Thank God I'm Forgiven

TGIF - Thank God I'm Free

TIGER - Trust In God & Everything's Right

WASTE - Worry. Anger. Self-Pity. Tattling. Envy

WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?

WWJD - Walking With Jesus Daily

WWYD - What Would You Do? (We know what Jesus would do)

YET - YES! Emmanuel Triumphs

SICK- Search In Christs Knowlegde

POO- Pray Over & Over

IDIOT- I Did It On Truth

WASTE - Worry. Anger. Self-Pity. Tattling. Envy

WWJD - What Would Jesus Do?

WWJD - Walking With Jesus Daily

WWYD - What Would You Do? (We know what Jesus would do)

YET - YES! Emmanuel Triumphs

Source: SpringWater

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Jarhead the Bear

It took ten days for Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) biologists to catch a black bear cub that was running around with a clear plastic jar stuck on its head.
"They were ultimately successful, but it took extraordinary efforts from both FWC employees and local residents working together," FWC said in a news statement released with these photos on Friday.

Jarhead and a sibling elude biologists trying to capture it.
(FWC photo)
"The 6-month-old cub, its two siblings and mother were regular visitors to unsecured trash containers in a small community near Weirsdale, in the Ocala National Forest. One day in late July, FWC dispatch got a call from one of the residents concerned about a cub running around with a clear, industrial-size plastic jar stuck on its head. The jar made it almost impossible for the cub to eat or drink, FWC said.

The agency's Mike Orlando, Brian Scheick and Cathy Connolly, and Mike Connolly, a bear-response agent for the agency, knew that if they didn't catch the cub, affectionately dubbed "Jarhead," it would die, so they developed a plan to trap it.
"It was a lot easier said than done," Orlando said. "The residents were really great about calling us when they saw the bears, but it seemed like we were always about 20 minutes behind."

The team set traps in different areas, hoping to catch the mother and tranquilize her, which would then allow them to catch the cubs, FWC said. "Unfortunately, the good mother bear refused to be tricked by the baited trap."
After eight days of sightings, two days went by when nobody saw the bear family, the agency added.

"The team feared the cub may have finally succumbed to his condition. Ironically, the day the team resigned to pull the traps and head home, Orlando got a call from FWC dispatch. A resident had called to report the bear family was back. The team rushed back to the community.

"Orlando found the mother and was able to shoot her with a tranquilizer dart. Then Orlando and Scheick literally caught the cubs by surprise and managed to grab Jarhead. But the tough little bear lived up to its U.S. Marine moniker and did not give up without a fight.

"Eventually, they subdued the cub long enough to get the jar off its head, and then let it go to rejoin its siblings. The team, with the help of some concerned residents, placed the mother bear's sleeping body in a trap, and eventually the cubs joined her."

Jarhead bear photo 2.JPG
Biologists monitored the bear family overnight after removing the jar from the cub's head.
(FWC photo)

After observing the family overnight in the trap, and making sure it was able to nurse, biologists released the family in a nearby, less populated area, FWC said.

Jarhead bear photo 3.JPGJarhead scampers behind its mother back to the woods after biologists 
released them from an overnight stay in the trap.
(FWC photo)
"Although the story appears to have a happy ending, it truly illustrates one of the worst things that can happen when wildlife gets into garbage," the agency concluded.
The FWC has not gotten any further reports of the bear family. "And that's good news indeed," the agency said.

Posted by David Braun from media materials provided by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

If people make so much effort to free a bear from its trapped situation, we may be able to learn from them. Shouldn't we make every effort to evangelize and free the people around us from the traps of sins and death?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bigger Miracle Than The Resurrection

"I went to a psychologist friend and said if 500 people claimed to see Jesus after he died, it was just a hallucination. He said hallucinations are an individual event. If 500 people have the same hallucination, that's a bigger miracle than the resurrection."
Lee Strobel


"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"This ’telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ’C,’ the idea must be feasible." --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the heck wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.

"We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this."
--Spencer Silver, on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, ’Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ’No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ’Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Cushion of the Sea

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."1

Several years ago a submarine was being tested and had to remain submerged for many hours. When it returned to the harbor, the captain was asked, "How did the terrible storm last night affect you?" The officer looked at him in surprise and exclaimed, "Storm? We didn't even know there was one!" The sub had been so far beneath the surface that it had reached the area known to sailors as "the cushion of the sea." Although the ocean may be whipped into huge waves by high winds, the waters below are never stirred.2

Being a Christian doesn't deliver us from the trials and troubles of life because we live in a broken world where it rains on the just as well as the unjust.3 However, our faith in Christ gives us an anchor in the storm and a hiding place in the shadow of his wings. As David the Psalmist prayed, "Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until this violent storm is past".4

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in the words of the hymn writer, 'When the storms of life are raging, Stand by me; When the world is tossing me Like a ship upon the sea Thou Who rulest wind and water, Stand by me.'5 And when the storms of life are raging, help me to put my trust in you so I will find a sense of calm and inner peace regardless of the circumstances that are threatening to drown me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Psalm 46:1-3 (NIV).
2. Rev. Adrian Dieleman, Sermon: "Receive the Holy Spirit."
3. See Matthew 5:45.
4. Psalm 57:1-2 (NLT).
5. "When the Storms of Life Are Raging," Charles A. Tindley.

By Dick Innes


Mary Had The Little Lamb

Mary had the little Lamb, who lived before His birth;
Self-existent Son of God, from Heaven He came to Earth.
Micah 5:2

Mary had the little Lamb; see Him in yonder stall —
Virgin-born Son of God, to save man from the Fall.
Isaiah 7:14

Mary had the little Lamb, obedient Son of God;
Everywhere the Father led, His feet were sure to trod.
John 6:38

Mary had the little Lamb, crucified on the tree
The rejected Son of God, He died to set men free.
1 Peter 1:18

Mary had the little Lamb—men placed Him in the grave,
Thinking they were done with Him; to death He was no slave!
Matthew 28:6

Mary had the little Lamb, ascended now is He;
All work on Earth is ended, our Advocate to be.
Hebrews 4:14-16

Mary had the little Lamb—mystery to behold!
From the Lamb of Calvary, a Lion will unfold.
Revelation 5: 5,6

When the Day Star comes again, of this be very sure:
It won’t be Lamb-like silence, but with the Lion’s roar.
Psalm 2:12
Revelation 19:11-16

Over That Hill

There is a a"Peanuts" Cartoon in which little Lucy says to her baby brother, Linus:

"I'll tell you something I've never told anyone before. Do you see that hill over there? Someday I'm going over that hill and find the answer to my dreams. Someday I'm going over that hill and find happiness and fulfillment. For me all the answers to life lie beyond those clouds and over the grassy slopes of those hills." 

Linus removes his thumb from his mouth, points toward the hill and says, "Perhaps there's another little kid on the other side of the hill who is looking this way and thinks that all the answers lie on this side of the hill."

Lucy thinks that one over for a long moment, then turns toward the hill and screams, "Forget it, kid!"

New Way To Learn Order of the Bible.

Our journey began at Genesis through Exodus. On the way, we saw Leviticus recording the Numbers of people at Deuteronomy, while Joshua was waiting at the beautiful gate for Judges to see Ruth calling loudly "Samuel, Samuel". At a stage, the first and second Kings of Chronicles were coming to visit Ezra, Nehemiah and Esther for the misfortune of Job, their brother. Then they noticed that Mr. Psalms was teaching his children Proverbs concerning Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon. This coincided with the period that Isaiah and Jeremiah were engaged in Lamentation for Ezekiel and Daniel their friend.. By that time, Amos and Obadiah were not around. Three days later, Hosea, Joel and Jonah travelled in the same ship with Micah and Nahum to Jerusalem . More also, Habakkuk visited Zephaniah who introduced him to Haggai a friend of Zechariah whose cousin is Malachi. Immediately after the old tradition, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John got involved in Acts with the Romans who were behaving like the Corinthians, who were also always at loggerhead with the Galatians. At that time too, the Ephesians realising that the Philippians were close to the Colossians, suggested to the Thessalonians that they should first of all see Timothy who had gone to the house of Titus to teach Philemon his younger brother how to read and write Hebrew. On hearing, James asked Peter to explain to him how the three Johns have disclosed to Jude the Revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Alexander the Great - Nothing

When Alexander the Great was setting out on one of his campaigns, he was distributing numerous gifts to his friends. In his generosity he had given away nearly all his possessions. 

"Sir," said one of his friends, "you will have nothing left for yourself."

"Oh yes I have," said Alexander, "I still have my hopes."

Alexander the Great - His Ambition!

After his world-wide conquests Alexander wept because there were no more worlds to conquer. He died, after a short life of debauchery, at the age of 32. 

`A tub was large enough for Dionysius: a world was too little for Alexander.' 

(1 Tim. 6. 8; Heb. 13. 5)

Friday, December 17, 2010

Mother and You

3 yrs old: "Ma, I love you"
10 yrs old: "Mom whatever!"
16 yrs old: "OMG! My Mom is so annoying!"
18 yrs old: "I wanna leave this house."
25 yrs old: "Mom, you were right."
30 yrs old: "I want to go back to my Mom's house."
40 yrs old: "Mom, what do you think?"
50 yrs old: "I don't wanna lose my Mom."
60 yrs old: "Ma, I love you."
70 yrs old: "I would give up anything for my Mom to be here."
80 yrs old: "Ma, see you in heaven soon!"

Singleness of Purpose

A spacecraft en route to the moon is off course 90 percent of the time. It is constantly pulled back by the earth's gravity, and is continually drawn to one side or the other by other forces. But it has a built-in computer that has a singleness of purpose that homes in on the moon. The computer is making continual corrections to keep the spacecraft on target with its purpose and goal.

Life's like that. If your eye is on your goal, if you have a singleness of purpose, nothing will stop you getting to where you plan and choose to go.

Dick Innes

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Weather-Predicting Cows

A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks. 

"One of the benefits of this profession," he explained, "is that we have built-in weather predictions."

"What do you mean by that?" asked one inquisitive visitor.

"When the cows are standing," the farmer explained, "it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours. When they're lying down, it means it's going to rain."

"On our bus trip," another visitor piped in, "I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does this mean?"

The farmer flashed a smile and answered, "That means half of them are wrong."

The Pefect Gentleman

A friend asked a gentleman why the latter never got married. 

The gentleman replied, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman. I guess I have been looking for the perfect girl.”

“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”

“Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl. The only perfect girl I had really ever met. She was just right for everything! I mean that she was the really
perfect girl for me.”

“Well, why didn’t you marry her>” asked the friend.

“She was looking for the perfect man,” the gentleman said sadly.

The Rabbi And Dietary Laws

A rabbi was walking home from the synagogue and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.

The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when to his absolute horror, he saw his friend stepped into a non-kosher Chinese restaurant. 

Standing at the door, the rabbi observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. 

A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying a platter full of pork spare ribs, shrimps in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other non-kosher delicacies. 

As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi could take it no longer and burst into the restaurant.

With a loud voice, he reproached his friend, "Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we have been taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"

Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?"

The Rabbi nodded yes.

"Did you see me order this meal?"

Again he nodded yes.
"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?"

Again he nodded yes.

"And did you see me eat it?"

The Rabbi nods yes.

"Then, Rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire meal was done under Rabbinical supervision."

Escaped Chickens Found

A farmer's son was returning from the market with a homemade bamboo cage of chickens his father had told him to carry home.

The flimsy cage broke open and the chickens all escaped. The boy quickly fixed the crate and chased around the neighborhood gathering up the chickens. 

Hoping he had found them all, he finally made it home, expecting to get a stern lecture from his father.

"Dad, the cage broke and chickens escaped! However I managed to capture all twelve of them back."

"Well, that's great! You have done a fine job, son," the farmer said proudly, "because I only sent you home with seven chickens!"

What Shall We Sing?

A down-and out-musician was playing his guitar in the middle of a busy wharf.

Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?”

I don’t have one,” confessed the musician.

“In that case, you’ll have to accompany me.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed the musician. “What shall we sing?”

How often we assume that our listeners understand what we are trying to say. When that does not happen, we become confused as to what has gone wrong. It is always the responsibility of the encoder (the one who speaks) to make sure that his message is properly received by the decoder (the one who receives the message).

Misunderstood Prescription

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. 

At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse.

"Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the doctor asked.

"No," replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only drink for about 15 minutes!"

How often we assume that our listeners understand what we are trying to say. When that does not happen, we become confused as to what has gone wrong. It is always the responsibility of the encoder (the one who speaks) to make sure that his message is properly received by the decoder (the one who receives the message).

What God Does - According To An Eight-Year Old

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista , CA . 

He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'  I wonder if any of us could have done as well? 

'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'

'God's second most important job is listening to prayers.. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'

'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'

'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'

'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'

'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong.  And besides,  the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'

'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'

'But... you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.'

Contributed by Pastor Betty Wong

Monday, December 13, 2010

Father's Love Letter

Father's Love Letter

God loves you very much. He is your Father and here are 50 scriptures that He has placed in the Bible to prove His love for you. Here is His love letter to you.

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32
                                                                                                   Love, Your Dad, Almighty God