Hereafter

The Pastor came to visit the other day. 

He said that at my advanced age I should be thinking of the hereafter. 

I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time. "No matter where I am - in the living room, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I am always asking myself: "Now, what am I here after?"

Old Golf's Buddy

There was once an elderly gentleman who loved playing golf. But he was almost eighty, and his vision was not very good anymore. He always had partners with him when he went out to play so they could watch his ball and tell him where it went. 

One day his buddies did not show up. It was a beautiful day for golf, and as he waited at the clubhouse he got more and more upset that he wasn't going to get to play his round. 

Another elderly man in the clubhouse saw him and asked, “What’s wrong?” The man explained his predicament: “I was really looking forward to playing golf today. But I don’t see very well anymore, so I need someone to watch the ball after I hit.” 

The second man was even older than he was, but he said, “That’s no problem. I’ll be glad to ride around with you. I’ve got 20/20 vision. I can see like a hawk. You just hit the ball, and I’ll watch it fly right down the fairway.” 

So they went out on the first tee, and the old man hit the ball right down the center. He turned to his spotter. “Did you see it?” 

The man replied, “I saw it all the way until it stopped rolling.” “Well, where did it go?” 

The older man paused for a moment and then said, “I forgot.”

Three Old Men

Have you heard of this funny story?

Three old men went to the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first old man, "What is one plus one?"

"Two hundred seventy-four," he said.

The doctor asked the same question of the second man, "What is one plus one?"

"Tuesday," he said.

The doctor tried the third man, "What's one plus one?"

"Two," said the third man.

"That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 fromTuesday."

End of story.

Ten Smartest Animals - No. 4 - ELEPHANT

4. Elephant

Contrary to popular perception, elephants are more than just lumbering giants with big ears and a good memory. In fact, elephants are quite elegant, cultured and curious. They have been known to clean their food and use tools in various ways in the wild, and they can also follow human commands in captivity. Elephants are also extremely caring and empathetic to other members of their group and to other species, which is considered a highly advanced form of intelligence.

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/top-10-smartest-animals.html#ixzz1Ii1JJxCC

Ten Smartest Animals - No. 8 - PIGEON

8. Pigeon
Pigeons are abundant in most major cities of North America, but many people think of them as mere pests. However, this ubiquitous bird is actually quite smart. Because pigeons have been the subjects of countless scientific experiments, there is a wealth of knowledge about their intellectual abilities. For example, pigeons can recognize hundreds of images even after several years have passed. They can also identify themselves in a mirror, be taught to perform a sequence of movements and to discriminate subtle differences between two objects – pretty impressive for a mere “pest.”

Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/top-10-smartest-animals.html#ixzz1IhuHI3ZP