Church Bulletin Bloopers 2

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. 

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." 

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

Church Bulletin Bloopers

"Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you." 

"Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church."

"Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow."

"Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community."

"O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation."

"After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor."

"Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help."

"For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer."

"Children will be led in sinning and Bible study."

"This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends."

"This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar."

"There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow."

"At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."

"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping."

"Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured." -- The subject of a sermon that should have read, "An Institution To Endure."

"Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

"The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals."

"The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'"

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

"The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict."

"Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

"The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'"

"Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."

"Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."

"The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment, and gracious hostility."

"The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon."

"The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday."

"Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch."

"Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."

 "Women's S.E.W. (Stitching and Encouraging Women)"

 "He came down and saved my soup."

Church Bulletin Bloopers

The following have all genuinely appeared in church bulletins!
 
* Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.
 
* Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'
 
* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale; it is a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
 
* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
 
* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
 
* Miss Charlene Mason sang, 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
 
* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
 
* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
 
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
 
* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
 
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
 
* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
 
* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
 
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
 
* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
 
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
 
* This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
 
* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
 
* The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
 
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.