Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Open The Rose


A young, new preacher was walking with an older, more seasoned preacher in the garden one day and feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was inquiring of the older preacher. The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals.


The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting to know the WILL OF GOD for his life and for his ministry. Because of his high respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to TRY to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact…It wasn’t long before he realized how it was impossible to do so.


Noticing the younger preacher’s inability to unfold the rosebud while keeping it intact, the older preacher began to tell the following poem…


It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of GOD’s design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.

The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they fade and die.

If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of GOD’s design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?

So I’ll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.

The pathway that lies before me,
Only my heavenly Father knows.
I’ll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

Mistakes

Mistakes

If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture!


If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention!


If an explorer makes a mistake,
It's a new discovery!


If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident!


If a politician makes a mistake,
 It is a new law!


If a professor makes a mistake,
It is a new theory!


If a hairstylist makes a mistake,
It's a new style!


If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion!


If parents make a mistake,
It is a new generation!


If the boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake!


If an employee makes a mistake,
Now, *that* is a "MISTAKE!"

Do Not Talk To My Parrot

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under *any* circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!"

To which the parrot replied: "GET HIM, Brutus!!"

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Box Without A Price

An old story has resurfaced - The devil is having a big sales in his store of evil tricks. Everything has a price except for one box that has no price that. It is not for sales. 
 
After almost everything has been sold, his demonic assistant asks him about what is in the box without a price. 
 
The old devil whispers, "It's Discouragement! When all temptations fail, I have this box of potent tricks to use! I have more success using these against the Christians than any other tricks! Once hit, few have the strength or wisdom to rise to their former glory. Many just become mediocre and die fruitless! Isn't that great!"

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Free To Soar


One windy spring day, I observed young people having fun using the wind to fly their kites. Multicolored creations of varying shapes and sizes filled the skies like beautiful birds darting and dancing in the heady atmosphere above the earth. As the strong winds gusted against the kites, a string kept them in check. Instead of blowing away with the wind, they arose against it to achieve great heights. They shook and pulled, but the restraining string and the cumbersome tail kept them in tow, facing upward and against the wind. As the kites struggled and trembled against the string, they seemed to say, “Let me go! Let me go! I want to be free!” 

They soared beautifully even as they fought the imposed restriction of the string. Finally, one of the kites succeeded in breaking loose. “Free at last” it seemed to say. “Free to fly with the wind.”

Yet freedom from restraint simply put it at the mercy of an unsympathetic breeze. It fluttered ungracefully to the ground and landed in a tangled mass of weeds and string against a dead bush. “Free at last” — free to lie powerless in the dirt, to be blown helplessly along the ground, and to lodge lifeless against the first obstruction.

How much like kites we sometimes are. The Lord gives us adversity and restrictions, rules to follow from which we can grow and gain strength. Restraint is a necessary counterpart to the winds of opposition. Some of us tug at the rules so hard that we never soar to reach the heights we might have obtained. We keep part of the commandment and (pardon the pun) never rise high enough to get our tails off the ground.

Let us each rise to the great heights our Heavenly Father has in store for us, recognizing that some of the restraints that we may chafe under are actually the steadying force that helps us ascend and achieve.

Lessons From Life, Chapter 12 – Free To Soar – Wayne B. Lynn

The Gift of Insults


There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.

One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.

Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior’s challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.

Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. “How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?”

“If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it,” the master replied, “to whom does the gift belong?”

Two Boxes That God Gave Me


I have in my hands two boxes
Which God gave me to hold
He said, “Put all your sorrows in the black,
And all your joys in the gold.”

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I stored
But though the gold became heavier each day
The black was as light as before

With curiosity, I opened the black
I wanted to find out why
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole
Which my sorrows had fallen out by

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,
“I wonder where my sorrows could be.”
He smiled a gentle smile at me.
“My child, they’re all here with me.”

I asked, “God, why give me the boxes,
Why the gold, and the black with the hole?”
“My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
the black is for you to let go.”
Author Unknown

Monday, January 16, 2012

For Richer or Poorer

For Richer or Poorer
Here's a story that will really make you think about what's most important in life.

The wives who lived within the walls of the Weinsberg Castle in Germany were well aware of the riches it held: gold, sliver, jewels, and wealth beyond belief.

Then the day came in 1141 A. D. when all their treasure was threatened. And enemy army had surrounded the castle and demanded the fortress, the fortune, and the lives of the men within. There was nothing to do but surrender.

Although the conquering commander had set a condition for the safe release of all the women and children, the wives of Weinsberg refused to leave without having one of their own conditions met, as well. They demanded that they be allowed to fill their arms with as many possessions as they could carry out with them. Knowing that the women couldn't possibly make a dent in the massive fortune, their request was honored.

When the castle gates opened, the army outside was brought to tears. Each woman had carried out her husband.

The wives of Weinsberg, indeed, were well aware of the riches the castle held.

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From Wikipedia
Presumably around 1000, the Weibertreu Castle was established on a mountain at the trade route running from Heilbronn to Schwäbisch Hall. In 1140 the castle was besieged by Konrad III in the course of the struggles between the Staufers and the Welfs. Finally it had to surrender on December 21, 1140, since the army of Welf VI to release the castle had been defeated by the Staufers in a battle. According to the report of the Chronica regia Coloniensis, the women of the castle were granted free departure and allowed to take what they could carry on their backs. They carried down their men, and so saved their lives, since the king adhered to his word. The women became known as treue Weiber ("loyal women"). The castle (today's ruin) is called Weibertreu due to this occurrence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weinsberg

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Seeing Jesus Face-to-Face

Seeing Jesus Face-to-Face

When William Montague Dyke was ten years old, he was blinded in an accident. Despite his disability, William graduated from a university in England with high honors. While he was in school, he fell in love with the daughter of a high-ranking British naval officer, and they became engaged.

Not long before the wedding, William had eye surgery in the hope that the operation would restore his sight. If it failed, he would remain blind for the rest of his life. William insisted on keeping the bandages on his face until his wedding day. If the surgery was successful, he wanted the first person he saw to be his new bride.

The wedding day arrived. The many guests—including royalty, cabinet members, and distinguished men and women of society—assembled together to witness the exchange of vows. William's father, Sir William Hart Dyke, and the doctor who performed the surgery stood next to the groom, whose eyes were still covered with bandages. The organ trumpeted the wedding march, and the bride slowly walked down the aisle to the front of the church.

As soon as she arrived at the altar, the surgeon took a pair of scissors out of his pocket and cut the bandages from William's eyes.

Tension filled the room. The congregation of witnesses held their breath as they waited to find out if William could see the woman standing before him. As he stood face-to-face with his bride-to-be, William’s words echoed throughout the cathedral, "You are more beautiful than I ever imagined!"
         
One day the bandages that cover our eyes will be removed. When we stand face-to-face with Jesus Christ and see His face for the very first time, His glory will be far more splendid than anything we have ever imagined in this life.

(Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, pp. 101-102)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Why? Why? You Tell Me Why?

Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage.

Ever wonder... why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Choosing Sides

At a White House dinner, a churchman offered a benediction and closed with the pious affirmation: "The Lord is on our side."

When President Lincoln did not respond to this sentiment, someone asked him, "Don't you believe, Mr. President, that the Lord is always on the side of the right?"

"I am not concerned about that," was Lincoln's answer, "for we know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. My concern is that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side."

Six Terrific Truths About Time

Here are six terrific truths about time:

First
: Nobody can manage time
But you can manage those things that take up your time.

Second
: Time is expensive
As a matter of fact, 80 percent of our day is spent on those things or those people that only bring us two percent of our results.

Third
: Time is perishable
It cannot be saved for later use.

Fourth
: Time is measurable
Everybody has the same amount of time...pauper or king. It is not how much time you have; it is how much you use.

Fifth
: Time is irreplaceable
We never make back time once it is gone.

Sixth
: Time is a priority. Y
ou have enough time for anything in the world, so long as it ranks high enough among your priorities.


Lewis Timberlake

The Ultimate Thief

Arthur Barry
Arthur Barry was described by Time as "the slickest second-story man in the East," truly one of the most famous jewel thieves of all time. In his years of crime, he committed as many as 150 burglaries and stole jewels valued between $5 and $10 million. He seldom robbed from anyone not listed in the Social Register and often did his work in a tuxedo. On an occasion or two, when caught in the act of a crime by a victim, he charmed his way out of being reported to the police.

Like most people who engage in a life of crime, he was eventually caught, convicted and served 25 years in prison for his crimes. Following his release, he worked as a counterman in a roadside restaurant on the East Coast for $50 a week.


A newspaper reporter found him and interviewed him about his life. After telling about the thrilling episodes of his life he came to the conclusion of the interview saying, "I am not good at morals. But early in my life I was intelligent and clever, and I got along well with people. I think I could have made something of my life, but I didn't. So when you write the story of my life, when you tell people about all the burglaries, don't leave out the biggest one of all... Don't just tell them I robbed Jesse Livermore, the Wall Street baron or the cousin of the king of England. You tell them Arthur Barry robbed Arthur Barry."

 

By Lewis Timberlake

Monday, January 2, 2012

Pastor Albert's Quotations

If we were to wait until all our needs are met then we will give to the Lord, then we will never give anything at all. (AK)
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God's dream for your life may be given in the night but it is in the day that His dream becomes a reality as you pursue it with conviction, patience and diligence. (AK)
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Yesterday, I did a comparison between Jesus and Herod in my Christmas sermon. The one important thing that I learn for myself while preparing the message is that all of us are affected either by King Jesus (Spirit) or King Herod (Flesh). We have to allow Jesus to be King in all aspects of our life or He is not King at all. If we are not careful, we will give the opportunity for the 'Herod' within us to overshadow and ultimately remove Christ from our life.
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Instead of celebrating our difference and uniqueness, we choose to see all these as barriers and reasons for hatred. Did God make everybody the same? We must remember that we were once unbelievers and how God, through His love, grace, mercy and full acceptance, brought us salvation. We were never rejected just because we were unbelievers. The enlightened people of God shared their love with us. We then become people who do not only experienced God's love but also shine forth His love to mankind. Therefore, showing the way of love begins with us, the Disciples of Christ.
http://faith2ndhalf.blogspot.com/2011/12
 
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Indeed, we can find many ways to enter into conflict because we are all different. The short people against the tall people; dark against fair, Chinese against Indians, Indians against Malays, fat against slim, Southern dialects against Northern dialects, Hokkien against Cantonese and even the bigger heads against the smaller heads etc