Just Pull The Plug

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a living will.
“Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug,” the man said. 
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.

The Height of Laziness

An old mountaineer and his wife were sitting in front of the fireplace one evening taking life easy.
After a long silence, the wife said: "Jed, I think it's raining. Why don't you get up and go outside and see?"
The old mountaineer continued to gaze into the fire for a while, sighed and then said, "Aw, Ma, why don't we just call in the dog and see if he's wet."
That's what you call the height of laziness. And I wouldn't want to say that we are downright lazy, but we all have a lazy streak in us.
And laziness is a faith killer.
If you're too lazy to open and read your Bible...
If you're too lazy to pray and be thankful to God...
If you're too lazy to memorize and meditate scriptures...
Read this: You Are In A Big Trouble!

Laziness is a good indicator that you're slipping away from the hands of God.

Coffee In Bed

As Barb was getting to know David and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other.

"They're so thoughtful," Barb said. "Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning."

After a time, Barb and David were engaged, and then married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Barb again remarked on David's loving parents, and even the coffee in bed.

"Tell me," she said, "does it run in the family?"

"It sure does," replied David. "And I take after my mom."

The Rules of Bureaucracy

1. Preserve thyself.
2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.

3. A penny saved is an oversight.

4. Information deteriorates upward.

5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.

6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.

7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.

8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.

9. To err is human; to shrug is service.

10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over.

What Is The Medical Term?

You're just lazy!

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. 

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you’re just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."