My Daddy Is....

David Elkind the Psychologist

David Elkind, a psychologist, tells the story of visiting his middle son's nursery school class, at the request of his teacher. She wanted him to observe a "problem child" in the class.

While he was there, he caught a conversation between his son and some other boys. There conversation went like this.

Child A: "My daddy is a doctor and he makes lots of money and we have a swimming pool."

Child B: "My daddy is a lawyer and he flies to Washington and talks to the president."

Child C: "My daddy owns a company and we have our own airplane."

Then David Elkind's boy said, "My daddy is here!" And he proudly looked in his father's direction.

Dads, your presence means more than anything else to your children - more than your money, more than your position at work, more than the toys you buy them. Your time means more to them than anything else, because it says, "I care." 

Don & Dawn

The Funeral of An Enemy

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ^{(Philippians 4:13)}

Some time ago, a teacher in Decatur, Georgia, taught her fourth-grade students an invaluable lesson by conducting a funeral. She enthused her class because the funeral was to be conducted for an enemy—the "I can't" enemy.

"Each child was encouraged to list their 'I Can'ts': 'I can't do math.' 'I can't make any friends.' 'I can't hit a home run in softball.' 'I can't give a book report in front of the class,'" and so on.

When the teacher collected all the "I can't" lists, she put them in a box and took them with the class outside where they took turns in digging a grave. In her eulogy she said, "We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. He is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can,' 'I Will,' and 'I'm Going to Right Away.' May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence."

Actual Test Answers By American Students

These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Kids Are Funny

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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School Project Picture

My 12 year old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.

A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.

The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."