Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Saturday, April 16, 2011

Who is the Mightiest Creature in the Jungle?

The lion was proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decided to make sure all the other animals knew he was the king of the jungle.

He was so confident that he bypassed the smaller animals and went straight to the leopard. “Who is the mightiest creature in the jungle?” the lion asked. The leopard replied, “Why you are, of course.” The lion gave a mighty roar of approval.

Next he asked the cheetah,“Who is the mightiest creature in the jungle?” The cheetah quickly responded, “Everyone knows that you are, mighty lion.”

Next on the list was the elephant. The lion faced the elephant and addressed his question:“Who is the mightiest creature in the jungle?” 

The elephant didn’t respond in quite the same fashion as the previous animals, though. Instead, he immediately grabbed the lion with his trunk, whirled him around in the air five or six times and slammed him into a tree! Then he pounded him onto the ground several times, dunked him underwater in a nearby lake, and finally dumped him out unceremoniously on the shore.

The lion, beaten and bruised and battered, struggled to his feet. He looked at the elephant through sad and bloody eyes and said, “Look, just because you don’t know the answer is no reason to get nasty!”

You Mean We Gotta Pay For This?

A certain pastor thought taking his two visiting nephews to church would be a good experience. Neither of the six and nine-year-old boys had any church experience, so Bob looked forward to the opportunity of spiritual exposure. 

The stark reality, though, of kids growing up outside of the church came to fruition when the kids came down for the children’s sermon. In the middle of the discussion with the kids, the pastor’s six-year-old nephew, Eric, raised his hand and blurted out, “How much longer do we have to stay up here?” 

Pastor Bob endured and went on. Eric was still not terribly impressed with what he had seen. This became most evident when the offering plates were passed. Little Eric watched with keen interest as the plate made its way toward him. When the offering plate reached his hands he asked in a very audible voice, “You mean we gotta pay for this?” 

[source: Baptist Beacon, 2/20/92, p. 5. Qtd in In other Words, Raymond McHenry]

Friday, April 15, 2011

King Arthur's Unknown Knights

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:

~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight

~ Sir Pass - Arthur's best knight of all

~ Sir Port - A great help to all the other knights

~ Sir Culation - A knight who got around a bit - popular at parties

~ Sir Prise - the knight who could always be relied on to do the unexpected

~ Sir Vey - a watchful knight

~ Sir Monise - a rather long-winded and droning knight, but a good, moral sort

~ Sir Cuitous - a knight who approached his duties in a roundabout way

~ Sir Pose - a knight who stands by wild predictions

~ Sir Cumflex - a knight with a strange accent

~ Sir Cumvent - the evasive knight

~ Sir Reen - a calm and cheerful knight

~ Sir Spicious - a paranoid knight

~ Sir Real - a vague and insubstantial knight

~ Sir Cumstances - a knight whose fault it never was

Then there were the non identical twins - Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice - the longest and shortest knights.

You Can't Just Sit There

Lawn Chair Pilot

Larry Walters always wanted to fly. When he graduated high school, he joined the service with the distant hope that somehow he might someday end up piloting a military plane. However, his dreams were cut down when an eye exam he took as a new enlistee revealed that, even though his eyesight wasn’t terrible, it wasn’t quite good enough to qualify him for pilot training. So, after a minimum stay in the service and a brief stint in Vietnam, Larry turned to a more down-to-earth career–truck driving–and had to content himself with watching others steer planes across the sky in his hometown of Long Beach, California.


But Larry never forgot about flying. And finally, one day in 1982, he decided to do something about his dream. He went on a little shopping excursion that day. His first stop was the local Sears store, where he bought a sturdy aluminum lawn chair. He then rode over to his local Army-Navy surplus store and bought a heavy-duty 50-foot cable and forty-five heavy-duty weather balloons. (Each of those balloons would measure six feet across when inflated.) Finally, he bought several tanks of helium.


With the help of several friends, Larry planned his “flight.” The next morning, one week before Christmas, after tethering his lawn chair securely to the ground and to his Jeep, he and his friends inflated the 45 balloons with helium and attached them to the lawn chair with the 50-foot cable. Then Larry gathered together some unusual “supplies”–a parachute, a large bottle of soda, a camera, a pellet gun, several gallon jugs filled with water, and a portable CB radio–and climbed aboard the lawn chair which he had now named “Inspiration One.”


You see, Larry’s plan was for the helium balloons to carry him slowly up into the Long Beach sky, to an altitude of a couple hundred feet, where he would drift around for awhile and enjoy the cool, crisp December air, take some photographs, and fulfill his dream. The gallon jugs of water were for ballast, to keep the craft steady; and Larry figured that, when he was ready to end his flight, he would use the pellet gun to pop the balloons, one at a time, until he started to drift down again. So, after securing himself in his Sears lawn chair, Larry signaled to his friends to release the tethers.


Minutes later, he was calling for help over his CB radio.

You see, instead of drifting up lazily into the air, Larry Walters streaked into the Los Angeles sky as if shot from a cannon. Instead of leveling out at a couple hundred feet, he continued to climb until he 16,000 feet–more than three miles–above the ground. Oh, he tried to do what he originally planned–shooting out some of the balloons with his pellet gun–but he only got through a couple of them before he lost his gun overboard. So there he was, scared and cold (even though December is mild in Los Angeles on the ground, it tends to be a little chilly three miles up in the air)–and, to make matters worse, he soon drifted into the approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. He was spotted first by a Delta pilot, and soon thereafter by a Trans World Airlines pilot; these pilots had the “interesting” task of radioing LAX and informing the tower of what they had seen. (The FAA would later try to bring charges against Larry for violating the Federal Aviation Act, but they weren’t really successful because they could never decide exactly which part of the Federal Aviation Act he’d broken.)


Well, anyway, after a couple of hours the helium in the balloons began to dissipate, and Larry’s contraption slowly floated down to earth–where his adventure continued, as he drifted right into a set of power lines, knocking out all the power in Long Beach for half an hour. The chair dangled some six feet above the ground, and Larry jumped down, and of course was promptly led off by law officers.


A reporter stepped in and asked Larry Walters, “Why did you do it?” His answer was a classic: “Well, you can’t just sit there, can you?”

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Puppy Without Hip Joint

Bob Weber, past president of Kiwanis International, told this story. He had spoken to a club in a small town and was spending the night with a farmer on the outskirts of the community. He had just relaxed on the front porch when a newsboy delivered the evening paper. 

The boy noted the sign Puppies for Sale. The boy got off his bike and said to the farmer, "How much do you want for the pups, mister?"

"Twenty-five dollars, son."

The boy's face dropped. "Well, sir, could I at least see them anyway?"

The farmer whistled, and in a moment the mother dog came bounding around the corner of the house tagged by four of the cute puppies, wagging their tails and yipping happily. At last, another pup came straggling around the house, dragging one hind leg.

"What's the matter with that puppy, mister?" the boy asked.

"Well, Son, that puppy is crippled. We took her to the vet and the doctor took an X ray. The pup doesn't have a hip joint and that leg will never be right."

To the amazement of both men, the boy dropped the bike, reached for his collection bag and took out a fifty-cent piece. 

"Please, mister," the boy pleaded, "I want to buy that pup. I'll pay you fifty cents every week until the twenty-five dollars is paid. Honest I will, mister."

The farmer replied, "But, Son, you don't seem to understand. That pup will never, never be able to run or jump. That pup is going to be a cripple forever. Why in the world would you want such a useless pup as that?"

The boy paused for a moment, then reached down and pulled up his pant leg, exposing that all too familiar iron brace and leather knee-strap holding a poor twisted leg. 

The boy answered, "Mister, that pup is going to need someone who understands him to help him in life!"

What Is The Medical Term?

You're just lazy!
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. 

When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you’re just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Praying For A Pen Point

George Müller
A.T. Pierson, a Bible teacher, sat one day with George Müller, the founder of many English orphanages. Müller was relating to Pierson some of the marvelous things God had done for the orphanage he founded in Bristol. As Müller talked he wrote, and by and by Pierson noticed that he was having difficulty with his pen point. Suddenly Müller bowed his head for a moment in prayer, and then began writing again. Pierson asked what he had prayed about.

“This pen point,” replied Müller. “It’s not working properly. This is an important letter, and I was asking the Lord to help me so I could write clearly.”

“Dear me,” replied Pierson. “A man who trusts God for millions of pounds also prays about a scratchy pen point!”

John E. Haggai