*Stupid Things Actually Said By Commentators In The World Of Soccer*

1.  Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.

2.  He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.

3.  And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.

4.  With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.

5.  Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour: almost all the Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.

6.  If that had gone on, it would definitely have been a goal.

7.  Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly suggests that he may be elsewhere.

8.  I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other need to score two to win.

9.  If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.

10.  You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but there were eight.

Are You Gonna Talk, or Are You Going to Fish?

Are You Gonna Talk, or Are You Going to Fish?

There was a man in a community that had the reputation for always being able to catch fish. 

Regardless of the time of the year it was, or whether anybody else was catching fish, this man was always managed to come back with a boat load of fish. 

His brother-in-law, who happened to be a Game Warden had always been amazed at the man's success. 

So, one morning the man agreed to take his brother in law fishing with him. They went to a lake that was known for its poor fishing. 

The game warden watched his brother-in-law take the boat out to the middle of the lake and cut the motor off. 

The game warden was confused as he noticed that his brother-in-law didn't worry about finding a ledge or brush-pile, or anything like that. 

Then instead of getting his rod and reel out, the game warden's brother-in-law pulled a stick of dynamite out of a sack, lit it, and threw it overboard. 

A few seconds later, there was a big BOOM, and almost immediately the surface of the lake was covered with stunned fish. 

The Game warden couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. 

He immediately began reciting the fishing laws and regulations to his brother-in-law. 

But this didn't seem to bother his brother in law in the least. He simply reached into the bag for another stick of dynamite, lit it, and tossed it to the game warden and said... 

..."You gonna talk, or you gonna fish?" The game warden noticed the fuse was almost to the end and He quickly decided to fish. 

Now that story probably isn't true, but it's still a good story. 

Unfortunately, I think God would like to throw some of us a stick of dynamite this morning and say, "Are you gonna talk, or are you going to fish?" 

See You In The Morning

Dr. W. A Criswell, Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas Texas, said on one occasion on an airplane flight he found himself seated beside a well-known theologian. 


He desperately wanted to start a conversation and they did get to talk. The man told Dr. Criswell about how he had recently lost his little boy through death. 


Dr. Criswell listened as he told his story: He said he had come home from school with a fever and we thought it was just one of those childhood things, but it was a very virulent form of meningitis. The doctor said we cannot save your little boy. He'll die. 


And so this seminary professor, loving his son as he did, sat by the bedside to watch this death vigil. 


It was the middle of the day and the little boy whose strength was going from him and whose vision and brain was getting clouded said, "Daddy, it's getting dark isn't it?" The professor said to his son, "Yes son it is getting dark, very dark." 


Of course it was very dark for him. He said, "Daddy, I guess it's time for me to go to sleep isn't it?" 


He said, "Yes, son, it's time for you to go to sleep." 


The professor said the little fellow had a way of fixing his pillow just so, and putting his head on his hands when he slept and he fixed his pillow like that and laid his head on his hands and said, "Good night Daddy. I will see you in the morning." 


He then closed his eyes in death and stepped over into heaven. 


Dr. Criswell said the professor didn't say anymore after that. He just looked out the window of that airplane for a long time. 


Then he turned back and he looked at Dr Criswell with the scalding tears coming down his cheeks and he said, "Dr. Criswell, I can hardly wait till the morning." 


Let's face it... 


We will all face trials that will test our patience and faith in God. 


There will be times that we can't explain why we're going through such enormous pain. 


And the only thing that we can do in this situation is... 


...to stay strong in our faith in our creator. 


Keeping your eyes in God requires more time and serious commitment in reading His Words. Because faith is develop by regularly reading and meditating God's Word. 

Old John's Favourite Scriptures

The story is told of a Sunday class that had been asked the question, "In your time of discouragement, what is your favorite Scripture?" A young man said, "the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want Psalm 23:1." 

A middle age woman said, "God is my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1." 

Another woman said, "In this world you shall have tribulations, but be of good cheer, I have overcome this world. John 16:33-35." 

Then old Mr. John who was 80 years old, with head of white hair and dark black skin, stood up and said with as much strength as he could muster, "and it came to pass 85 times in the Bible." 

The class started to laugh a little thinking that old Mr. John's lack of memory was getting the best of him. When the snickering stopped, he said. 

"At 30 I lost my job with six hungry mouths and a wife to feed. I didn't know how I would make it. At 40 my eldest son was killed overseas in the war. It knocked me down. 

At 50 my house burned to the ground. Nothing was saved out of the house. At 60 my wife of 40 years got cancer. It slowly ate away at her. We cried together many a night on our knees in prayer. 

At 65 she died. I still miss her today. The agony I went through in each of these situations was unbelievable. I wondered where God was. But each time I looked in the Bible I saw one of those 85 verses that said, 'and it came to pass.' 

I felt that God was telling me, my pain and my circumstances were also going to pass and that God would get me through it." 

Let me ask you this... 

Are you also in a worst situation in life and you're feeling helpless? 

The good news is, if you will fill your mind and heart with God's Word, you'll always be reminded that you have a God that will rescue you. No matter how big your problem is. 

Grasshoppers Versus Prayers

John Maxwell writes in his book, Partners in Prayer;

"In the summer of 1876, grasshoppers nearly destroyed the crops in Minnesota. So in the spring of 1877, farmers were worried. They believed that the dreadful plague would once again visit them and again destroy the rich wheat crop, bringing ruin to thousands of people.

The situation was so serious that Governor John S. Pillsbury proclaimed April 26 as a day of prayer and fasting He urged every man, woman and child to ask God to prevent the terrible scourge.

On that April day all schools, shops, stores and offices were closed. There was a reverent, quite hush over all the state.

The next day dawned bright and clear.

Temperature soared to what they ordinary were in midsummer, which was very unusual for April.

Minnesotans were devastated as they discovered billions of grasshopper larvae wiggling to life.

For 3 days the unusual heat persisted, and the larvae hatched. It appeared that it wouldn't be long before they started feeding and destroying the wheat crop.

On the fourth day, however the temperature suddenly dropped, and that night frost, covered the entire state.

Result - it killed every one of those creeping, crawling pests as surely as if poison or fire had been used, It went down in the history of Minnesota as the day God answered the prayers of the people."

That is an awesome story!

God surely answer prayers but unfortunately some Christians are not praying enough.

Ever wonder why?

That's because their minds and hearts are not completely in tune with God. 


Don and Dawn

Tips for Student Pilots

Tips for Student Pilots

1. Takeoffs are optional. Landings are mandatory.


2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller.


3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.


4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.


5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.


6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.


7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.


8. A "good" landing is one from which you can walk away. A "great" landing is one after which they can use the plane again.


9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.


10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.


11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival equals a small probability of survival -- and vice versa.


12. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.


13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.


14. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.


15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.


16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.


17. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.


18. If all you can see out of the windscreen is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.


19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.


20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.


21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.


22. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.


23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.


24. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you've made.


25. The three most useless things to a pilot are altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.


And a bonus tip:


Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

Speeding Home

Speeding Home

This is an older story but it's a must-read for anyone who never has.

Jack took a long look at his speedometer before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone. Fourth time in as many months. How could a guy get caught so often?


When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour, Jack pulled over, but only partially. Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard. Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror. The cop was stepping out of his car, the big pad in hand.


Bob? Bob from Church? Jack sunk farther into his trench coat. This was worse than the coming ticket. A cop catching a guy from his own church. A guy who happened to be a little eager to get home after a long day at the office. A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.


Jumping out of the car, he approached a man he saw every Sunday, a man he'd never seen in uniform.


"Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this."


"Hello, Jack." No smile.


"Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids."


"Yeah, I guess." Bob seemed uncertain. Good.


"I've seen some long days at the office lately. I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit - just this once."


Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement. "Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight. Know what I mean?"


"I know what you mean. I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct." Ouch. This was not going in the right direction. Time to change tactics.


"What'd you clock me at?"


"Seventy. Would you sit back in your car, please?"


"Now wait a minute here, Bob. I checked as soon as saw you. I was barely nudging 65." The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.


"Please, Jack, in the car"


Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard. He was in no rush to open the window.


The minutes ticked by. Bob scribbled away on the pad.


Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?


Whatever the reason, it would be a month of Sundays before Jack ever sat near this cop again. A tap on the door jerked his head to the left. There was Bob, a folded paper in hand Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches, just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.


"Thanks." Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.


Bob returned to his police car without a word. Jack watched his retreat in the mirror. Jack unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost?


Wait a minute. What was this? Some kind of joke?


Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:
"Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. You guessed it- a speeding driver. A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his daughters, all three of them. I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven before I can ever hug her again.


A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me. And be careful, Jack, my son is all I have left." -- Bob


Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car pull away and head down the road. Jack watched until it disappeared. A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.