Science Quotes from Kids - Part 1

~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

~ You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

~ When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

~ When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbiting.

~ While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

~ Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.

~ A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

~ Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to become oil.

~ Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.

~ Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

~ We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

~ I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

~ In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.

~ Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

~ Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.

~ Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

~ Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

~ It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live in other places.

Coaching the Young Witness

The defense lawyer questions the boy, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"

A boy who was a witness to a crime was on the witness stand in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in the court?"

"Yes, Sir," the boy answered.

"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"

"My father, Sir," said the boy.

"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.

"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, everything would be all right."

Mahatma Gandhi and Christianity

Young Gandhi

When Mahatma Gandhi was attending university in London, he became almost convinced of the validity of Christianity, seeing it as possibly the one true supernatural religion.

After graduation, he continued to seek evidence that would persuade him to become a committed Christian. When he accepted employment in another country, and lived with a family who were members of an evangelical Christian church, he believed this would be his greatest source of evidence for the Christian faith.

Gandhi lived with this family for seven months, but after seeing their casual attitude towards God, hearing them complain about making sacrifices for Christ, and becoming acutely aware of their religious apathy, he became disillusioned.

"No," he concluded, "Christianity is not the one true, supernatural religion I had hoped to find. A good religion, but just one more of the many religions of the world."

What Is Your Guy Saying? (Interpretation Provided)

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "I don't know what I am thinking and so how can I even explain it to you?"

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't the food already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: A conditioned response to keep you from talking too much.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "Honestly, I don't really know the details and why don't you just stop asking me?"

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "There is nothing interesting and are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember every thing... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS -- I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "Man, it hurts like crazy but I have to put on a brave front... oh, I want my mommy."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "Leave me alone so that I can think of the right reason for doing what I am doing."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "I am surfing the internet and please don't ask me to look for anything."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on any more outfits. I'm bored to death."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated: "I will create the mess and you will clean it up."

A Penny Please!

Man: "God, how long is a million years?"

God: "To me, it's about a minute."

Man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"

God: "To me it's a penny."

Man: "God, may I have a penny?"

God: "In a minute."

A Mouse In The House

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

Silver and Gold We Have!

Thomas Aquinas

Thomas Aquinas was one day with Pope Innocent the Fourth in his closet, when an officer of his chancery came in with a bag of gold, procured by Absolutions and Indulgences. 

The Pope profanely said: "See, young man, the Church is not what it was in the times when it used to say, "Silver and gold have I none"

"Holy Father, that is very true, indeed," replied Aquinas, "but then it cannot say to the poor afflicted with the palsy, 'Rise, take up thy bed and walk.'"