Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

All Disciples Unfit For Management Positions Except One

To: Yeshua ben Yosef
Yosef's Carpentry
Nazareth Jn3:16
From: Haman Management Consultants

Dear Sir,

Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for managerial positions in your new organization. All of them have now taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant. 

The profiles of all tests are included, and you will want to study each of them carefully.
As part of our service, we make some general comments for your guidance, much as an auditor will include some general statements. This is given as a result of staff consultation, and comes without any additional fee. 

It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept. We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability. 

Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. 

Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. 

The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty. 

Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. 

We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew had been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau; 

James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale. 

One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind, and has contacts in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious, and responsible. 

We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right-hand man. All of the other profiles are self-explanatory. 

We wish you every success in your new venture.

Sincerely,
Haman Hammedatha
Haman Management Consultants 
Susa City, Iran 

Haman Hammedatha


Adapted from Tim Hansel, Eating Problems for Breakfast, Word Publishing, 1988, pp. 194-195.

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