Welcome to Albert's Sermon Illustrations

In this blog, I have collected many stories, quotes, jokes and ideas that I use regularly in my sermons.I have tried to put in the sources and origins of these illustrations. If I have missed some or gotten the wrong sources, please let me know. I will update them. Feel free to use these illustrations for the glory of God. If you have some illustrations that you like to contribute, kindly add them to my blog, so that I and others may benefit from them. God bless!
Reverend Albert Kang

P/S: This is a free site and thus it has advertisements that are not in the blogger's control. If some of them are offensive, please ignore them. Thank you for your understanding.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Perfect Pastor

Dear Ideal Church Member,

Thank you for your email. Yes, we agree  with you that the ideal pastor should preach exactly 20 minutes.  He can condemn sin, but he should never hurt anyone's feeling.  He has to work from 8 AM to midnight, and should also serve as the church janitor.  He should make $40 a week, wear good clothes, and donate $30 a week to the church.  He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience.  He is both tall and short, thin and heavyset, and has one brown eye and one blue eye.  He should make 15 house calls a day and always be in his office.

If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastors. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list.  In one week you will receive  alist of 1,643 pastors.  Surely one of them will be perfect.  Have faith in this letter.  One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.

Yours sincerely,

Ken Nobie

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